Unsolicited second chances... (for eyes_that_burn)

[sanzengarasu]

 For a blissful moment, Itachi knew peace. He knew what it felt like to tell nothing but the truth to the one person he valued above all else on earth. It felt like enough. Like maybe he could finally rest, if somewhat fitfully, in death. After all, he paid for his sins. He paid with his life. Sasuke could now move on with his life in whichever direction he picked. It didn't matter which one... just so long as Sasuke learned to live on and move forward with his life. Itachi would never stop loving his little brother and never stop hoping for him to have the life he wasn't allowed to have.

However, things never seem to go the way he planned them. From the path he'd laid before his brother to having himself dragged back by the forbidden technique. Now... now something else was dragging him out of his peaceful rest. This time it wasn't an animated corpse but truly back to life. He could feel the pain stinging down his limbs as he became aware and the ache in his lungs as he tried to breathe.  

Each breath felt like acid pouring into his lungs. Not so unlike the feeling he'd fought nearly daily in life toward the end, but somehow different. Like the disease was not there, but rather he felt raw and worn. The heaviness that weighed upon him kept him from moving at first, so he simply focused on the intakes of breath and the rise and fall of his chest. It gave him time to wonder... what was going on?

After some time had passed, he lifted a hand to softly rub at his forehead while heavy eyelids fluttered sluggishly open.

Darkness.

Everything went still as he stared upward at smoky shadows and darkness. Lifting his hand again, he moved his hand in front of his eyes and only found the barest hint of movement and vague hints of color. By all rights, it shouldn't feel so shocking. His heart clenched in his chest as he reminded himself he shouldn't be able to see at all. Sasuke had his eyes, just as he intended. 

Then why did he feel so suddenly lost not staring at the willowy shape that should be his hand before his gaze?

"You're awake?" The voice, one he couldn't place, sounded timid and unsure... and like it came from a long distance across the room. Lowering his hand to the bed, he angled his head in the direction of the sound. "I'll... I'll go let someone know!"

As quickly as she arrived, she disappeared. And it only left him to realize that he really was alive again and he wasn't all that sure why or how. Considering her fear... it seemed nothing had changed. What should shock him more was the lack of restraints. Maybe he simply looked too non-threatening in his current state.

Perhaps, he should find a way out of there before she did find someone. But where would he go?

It didn't stop him. Slowly he tried to push himself onto his side giving himself leverage to carefully sit up. 

Comments

[eyes_that_burn]

Since that moment of discovery, Sasuke had been waiting for this.

After the battle with Kaguya and after the fight with Naruto, Sasuke had been with the rest of the injured, confined to a bed, shackled by doctors and transfusions and antibiotics. The pain was only as intense as the chakra exhaustion, and if he had been a lesser man, he might have willingly gone towards death. But Uchiha were stubborn, were proud, were strong; sometimes, they were even impossible to kill.

Itachi was proving that.

Naruto had been as much of his reason to holding on as was his brother's memory, what he perceived his brother's will to be, and there was comfort in both of those things. But when the whispers of a body being found among the injured, not cracked skin, not with inverted eyes, no, but whole and complete, all other motivations were eclipsed by this single solitary thing. He hadn't believed it; it was too fantastical even for him, even after the impossible things they had just battled.

But the medical staff had strict orders to get him when the man woke up. Sasuke didn't give a damn if he was supposed to be resting, if he was supposed to be having his vitals taken, didn't care if he was asleep or eating or anything. Get him. Tell him. Not a second later.

And they had. Out of fear, out of respect, he didn't know, but the reasoning didn't matter as much as the act itself. He had been dozing (he dozed a lot, from blood loss, from pain meds, from final peace as vengeance was ratified) when he felt her sudden presence. Before his eyes even opened, he knew. He could feel her sudden intensity, and he knew that it meant the man was either awake or dead.

Itachi wouldn't have come back just to die, though. Sasuke knew it.

Getting out of bed took a little effort, the stump where his arm had been screaming in pain. He bit back the sound in the back of his throat, grabbed his IV pole and started to walk. He heard a few half-hearted requests to get back to bed, suggestions really, but they didn't understand. No one ever had aside from Itachi, and wasn't that the point?

Heaving a breath, he made his way towards that area, towards him. And when he reached that room, Sasuke couldn't move past the doorway, half his ruined body obscured by the entryway, bruises still etched upon his face. But he didn't hurt, not in that moment, not as he staring across at his brother...

...who was awake.

"Nii-san?" he whispered.

[sanzengarasu]

The first thing he noticed when he sat up was the twinge and slight pull on his arm. An IV. Possibly for fluids, maybe antibiotics. Whatever it might be for, he had to take time to run his fingers along the line to figure out where the pole was. What outwardly looked like a careful and calm study of his current condition, hit intensely against his ribcage with each beat of his heart.

It took a few measured breaths to stay focused on not letting his hands shake with the desire to panic without his vision. Depending on where he was, this could be a bad thing. And where he knew he should be dead, being locked up and put to death held little glamour to him at that moment.

Fitting. But he didn't want that. Not when he'd finally gotten the death he desired at the hands of the person he loved most in all his life. It seemed wrong. Off, even.

Yet just as he pulled the IV pole closer to help him stand, he heard the soft padding of feet on the floor coming toward his room. The stride seemed labored, possibly pained, so he held his reaction in. Hand still wrapped around the pole, he found the fingers of his other hand suddenly pulling at the medical tape to get it off and possibly just do away with the IV all together.

Those fingers still when suddenly keen hearing picked up that single word. Looking up slowly, he fought to focus on something and only caught a brighter was of shadow against a darker backdrop in what he could only assume was the doorway. Itachi's heart felt like it stopped with that voice and it only made his head hurt as he strained to see some glimpse of the person he knew wasn't so far away in that moment.

"Sasuke..." Fingers gripped the pole tighter, as he tried to decide what impulse he should follow first. If he walked toward Sasuke, the possibility of stumbling and falling ran high. The more agonizing possibility of not finding him because of the vision impairment felt like the worse scenario. So... he did something that felt far more familiar.

Lifting a hand, palm down, he beckoned him closer with the slight waving motion. The only addition he made was a very quiet request. "Come here?"

[eyes_that_burn]

Him. It was him. It was everything about him, except everything about him was different, too. With a lifetime of lies, of deception (no matter the purpose), to have none of that hanging between them now should have been freeing. It should have been liberating, a new expanse of ground for them to walk, unburdened. Betrayal had draped them way too long.

Instead, it was frightening. Chasing. Running. Violence. Pain. Those were things he knew, those were familiar terrains long since traveled over the years. This? Nothing but the raw skin of old wounds, nothing but learning how to live together again, coexist…that was different. No, not just different, but difficult.

For most of his life, Sasuke had been told to go away, those fingers pushing against his forehead as he was informed that there wasn’t enough time. It was far more difficult to move towards Itachi now.

Had he ever heard those words before?

Sighing a little, he obeyed went forward, wheels of the pole squeaking as they rolled, his steps slow, shuffling, hesitant. Dark eyes, one nearly swollen shut, remained on Itachi as if waiting for the trick to reveal itself. Maybe that was exactly what he was doing. Would it be so unheard of after their past? After the lies and tricks and deceptions…

Dead should be dead. He had watched his brother ascend. He had watched him go!

“What are you doing here?” The words held guarded trepidation as he made his way closer; he felt young again, small. “You’re—“ dead “—at peace.”

[sanzengarasu]

Lowering his hand, he gripped his knee to keep himself from fidgeting. Not being able to see his reaction left Itachi feeling a little lost and uncertain. He tried to keep his eyes in the direction of the sound, not moving them too much and giving way to that helpless feeling of not being able to see.

As Sasuke drew closer, he noted the unsteady gate and the squeak of the wheels. It seemed he wasn't the only one with the IV and pole. That meant the other was injured. It shouldn't surprise him with the war that was starting when he ascended, but it still made his chest hurt.

He could see the outline of someone before him, or so he hoped that was Sasuke's outline. Nothing was discernable.

Finally... his brow creased with that question and the full weight of his situation. Inclining his head to Sasuke, he wondered how he looked. He wondered what mess he left him in and just how much he'd had to go through. Reaching up slowly, he released the pole and hesitated in the empty air.

The hovered there and for the first time, he felt them shake a little. "I don't know..." It wasn't the same kind of not knowing. Part of him wished he was still 'at peace'. Part of him wanted to just... touch his brother and make sure he was real. Maybe that was why he dared to move again and let his hands hit the younger's shoulders. Pausing, he took an uncertain and painful breath before grazing his fingertips up his neck until his thumbs brushed Sasuke's jaw and felt the other digits brushing the dark hair at the nape of his neck.

"Sasuke... I don't know how I got here." Or why. Lowering his eyes, he let his hands just start to pull away.

[eyes_that_burn]

Sasuke didn’t mean to gasp when Itachi touched him; he didn’t mean to tighten all of those muscles the second those fingers found his neck. It was automatic, flowers to the sun, years of training brought to the surface as reactions forced him to tense the second anyone was near his vulnerable throat. It was even worse when the person was one who had tried to kill him.

But that was another life. That was a non-truth, in its own way.

If it was the pain meds that allowed him to relax or the exhaustion or the fact that it was Itachi, it didn’t matter; Sasuke eventually sighed and let those hands go over his face, touch his hair. He was curious about it; Itachi rarely touched him beyond the forehead poke, but maybe this was what being dead did to him

But Itachi’s gaze…there was something different about it. Something….almost searching. Something Sasuke was missing.

The wonder. It had to be the amazement of being alive. Or the confusion. Or the lack of understanding. Any of those things, and listening to him admit that he didn’t know only proved it. Surely, it was nothing more than shock.

Sasuke tried to reach out for him with his arm, but it was gone, missing, blown away in the fight and the phantom limb sensation only remained. Sometimes it was maddening with a deep, screaming pain, and other times it itched and tingled with a thousand needles, driving him to his wits end. Now, it just….reached out. Felt his brother.

But didn’t; it was a ghost and he grunted with the frustration of it all.

“We can ask them what they know. Find clues. Figure it out.” How long do you have this time? How long until you go away again? “It’s different than before.”

You’re not a puppet. You’re not a whim.

...Are you?

[sanzengarasu]

Raising his head once more, he forced his gaze to match where his hand moved. Lifting it, he first let his fingertips find the line of Sasuke's jaw before grazing back and around to slip into his hair. Gently, he pulled the younger closer to him. Nothing forceful and his touch even remained easily broken away from if his brother chose to do so.

But right then, he wanted to know what it felt like to be close to him without that reanimated body. To feel the real sensation of touch instead of the parody of before. Part of his mind whispered that maybe losing his eyes was a price to pay for this, maybe that price was worth it.

All he could do was nod at that suggestion to ask. He had planned to somehow. Not that he felt anyone would answer him. The furrow in his brow only deepened as he shifted again and his forehead bumped Sasuke's chin. That had been poorly judged.

For a mere second, he smile in self-deprecation before his eyes widened and some of the under currents of his fears surfaced. Fingers tightened just a little in the soft hair as he spoke quietly. "I would... gauge for myself how you are... however..." His head rose, his eyes misplaced and visibly out of focus as he could only hope he looked at Sasuke. "I can't see you."

Saying it out loud hurt more than mentally acknowledging the problem. It made his voice get unbearably quiet as he refused to focus on the confusion whirling under the surface. Instead, he focused on what mattered more to him right now. "How badly are you injured?"

[eyes_that_burn]

But Sasuke went. Sasuke moved with the urging, the touch, let himself to be pulled close. He had thought they would end forehead against forehead, but he was wrong; it was forehead to chin and the blunder didn’t drift past him. Sasuke knew. Sasuke knew what Itachi was going to say before he actually uttered it. Hearing the truth only made it worse.

Blindness. That…that was torture for an Uchiha, cruel when someone depended on their sight so drastically. That was inhumane, that wasn’t right. That was—

--irreversible? He had his brother’s eyes; he could give them back. Or give one back, where they both could have at least a slight advantage? They weren’t Sasuke’s, after all. Didn’t they belong with Itachi? Weren’t they his to start with? Sasuke didn’t deserve them, not at the cost of Itachi’s livelihood.

But, as Itachi currently was, he wouldn’t know the haunting extent of Sasuke’s injuries. He didn’t know about his arm, didn’t have to worry, and that was the best protection he could give his brother.

“Nothing. Bruises, a few broken ribs. I’m fine.” Slowly he pulled back, trying to put distance between them, trying to keep the charade going. “Other than your eyes, what hurts?”

[sanzengarasu]

Sasuke pulling away left him staring into space, hand hovering there in the air. His lips parted to ask why, but he stopped himself. Slowly placing his hands in his lap, he lowered his head. The rejection of touch shouldn't leave him feeling so bereft. Sasuke likely didn't want the contact.

It wasn't anything else. Why would his brother need to lie about anything?

Now it felt lonelier. Empty. Like the shadows and darkness of his vision felt more suffocating than even before. Closing his eyes, Itachi breathed in slowly. The ache of his lungs made him want to say 'everything' but wanted to add that it was still better than before. It went from agony to think about breathing to just aching instead.

"Madara told you everything?" Not just what he went through and what he'd had to do, but his health as well? Loose hair swept forward, sliding over his shoulders and into his face as he weighed his answer carefully. "I can feel it. The deterioration, but it doesn't feel like I'm still sick." At least saying it like that didn't let on to how much it still hurt regardless.

What now?

His fingers twitched slightly at that. His heart tightening as he worked through his current situation in his mind. He was blind now. Even if his body did finally heal from his illness, he was now grossly handicapped. Where could he go? He'd completely isolated himself for all these years with no connections or anyone willing to bother with helping him.

And Sasuke... didn't even want him to touch him. "I don't know why I'm here." His voice went even quieter, a mere breath if anything. "But I shouldn't be your problem."

[eyes_that_burn]

The damage was done. There was no fix for the things that had happened to that body already, and so it would remain, a weighted scar beyond what the casual viewer would see. Sasuke hoped that it would get better, but the likelihood of that...

...well, it was no different than the likelihood that he would fix his own scars, would grow back a limb, would change.

Without thinking, Sasuke nodded, then realized Itachi couldn't see it. "Mm." If the internal scars would heal, could his eyes as well? Was there hope? Was there promise? And why did Itachi look...so sad? Sasuke wondered if he shared the same expression (he did), and felt himself frowning a little deeper.

"We can go to Sakura or Tsunade. One of them should be able to take some of that away." Or Orochimaru, but he couldn't say that aloud; he was vaguely certain that Itachi would have none of it. And while blindness would take away some of the enticing factors of wanting an Uchiha, there were other aspects of them that could have the snake intrigued enough for violence. Sasuke knew better than to trust him.

Still...if it meant Itachi would be better, Sasuke would give his own eyes for that. Or his soul. He had sold it once, hadn't he?

And Naruto had tried to stop that. Would Itachi do the same?

"You're not my problem," he muttered. The tubing from the IVs clanged softly against the metal pole as he moved from one foot to the other, thinking nothing as his eyes turned from black to red. Checking. Just checking for certain that it was truly him.

"You're my brother."

[sanzengarasu]

Itachi felt oddly hollow even as Sasuke mentioned those two people. His mind's eyes flashed mental pictures of each woman and he considered the likelihood of being treated by either. "Sasuke... I'm a traitor." Even if they marked him as dead in the Bingo book, all the people that knew the truth...

He didn't care if anyone did. At one time, he didn't want Sasuke to know. But now that he knew, he felt... the slightest bit lighter somehow.

The sound of the tubing against the pole made his head turn. Vacant eyes fixed on the source of the sound, but he didn't say anything about it. Why did Sasuke need something so drastic if he only got bruises and broken ribs. His brow furrowed just a little at Sasuke's words, but he expected them. No. He wasn't Sasuke's problem. Not anymore. Not out of love and not out of hate.

What he didn't expect was that declaration.

His head turned to Sasuke, following his voice and once again straining to see him once again. This time he caught a flicker, light against dark that for an instant let him discern shape before it hazed out again.

Even if he felt relieved to hear those words, he finally shook his head and looked away. "Is that enough?" His eyes listlessly slipped over what ever was in the direction of his gaze before he pointed out softly. "Could it ever be enough? You even pull away from my touch." He worked at keeping the sting out of his voice. It came fluid and smooth, but softer and distant.

"You don't have to forgive me... not for any of it."

[eyes_that_burn]

A traitor. It depended on who was dealing those accusations, he supposed, but he didn't necessarily agree. Itachi had done what was necessary with the choices offered to him. He had made harder, more challenging decisions than anyone else. He was more hokage than the one that wore the hat now.

Refusing medical treatment would only prove that.

"Then I'll make them." He had sway with Sakura; that would involve talks, discussions, would involve being more open than he cared to be, but he would do it. Or better yet, his genjutsu was perfect, efficient, faster. That would end with the same results, perhaps even better ones in case they changed their minds.

He was plotting, deeply, too deeply in that he almost missed the words. Not the tone, no, that's what ensnared him, but the words... His own eyes narrowed slightly, unsure how to respond to that; Itachi would touch him if he got closer. He would discover. Sasuke couldn't let that happen.

"The injuries hurt when touched," he offered, not lying, not really. "It's instinct at the moment."

But his brother didn't think he had to forgive him? Did he think it was personal? After everything that happened, all they had been through, after the final admission? He remembered hearing how badly he had cried in that genjutsu, the fall of teardrops on that dreaded night, and Sasuke felt his own heart breaking. He was still so emotionally wiped out from his battle with Naruto, from facing everything he had bottled up, from the years of struggling and hate and that curse and now--

--now there was this.

So he let instinct guide him, not thinking, raising his right arm with fingers outstretched. The hesitation was small, barely a fraction held up by the idea that he didn't have the right to do this strange reversal, but he pressed forward. Finally, calloused fingers gently poked Itachi's forehead and Sasuke breathed .

"Nii-san." And any other words failed him, so he let those ones hang instead.

[sanzengarasu]

"Don't be so ready to use force..." A bare hint of a smile pulled at his lips. Something about knowing that Sasuke wanted to go to that sort of trouble for him really made something twist in an unusual way in his chest. Oddly pleasant even. Not that he wanted people to be forced to do something for him. But he could acquiesce a little.

"If you want to ask, I won't object. If you want to tell her... she is your former teammate?" He could at least give way for that. If Sasuke trusted her. If he honestly thought she would believe. But then, Naruto knew.

Smoothing his hair back, he carefully worked his fingers through the knots in just a simple idle motion. So, some things didn't change. He still gave in to Sasuke likely more than he should. In the end, he nodded in understanding. Reaching out and touching him, especially blindly, had been reckless and possibly far too selfish.

Maybe it was reflexes bred from years of being unable to even sleep well from lack of trust and fear of being caught off guard. Maybe it was surprise that Sasuke would be the one to touch him rather than the other way around. But his hand snapped up, fingers gently wrapping around his brother's wrist and holding him there as his thumb brushed along the palm to rest in the center affectionately.

Itachi smiled.

A small, gentle smile as he angled his head toward the younger. His grip was light now. A soft brush of gentleness against his skin. Leaning a little closer, he nearly brushed Sasuke's hand just a little before he released him.

"I'm not leaving this time, Sasuke. Not if you want me here."

[eyes_that_burn]

Force was all he had known for so long; not using it seemed far more difficult of a challenge. And really, in certain situations, it was more appropriate, although this one was debatable into which category it fell. He made a face, trying not to sigh, and instead relented.

"Yeah." To both. She was still a better option than Orochimaru, still a more reasonable one than Tsunade. Was she a former teammate anymore? Since he had come back, the old dynamic of the three (four) of them had slowly returned, with her, Kakashi, and Naruto constantly visiting him and refusing to let him crawl back into his shell (old creature comforts). The banter. The care. Were they expecting him to stay? Were they expecting him to be a part of Team Seven again? To do missions with them? He hadn't been pardoned yet...if he even would be. Missing nin, conspiracy, terrorism...so many things could be laid at his feet.

And while he took his responsibility, the village needed to take their own. They had created this with their lies, their segregation, with their discrimination and flawed ways.

He had spent so much time wrapped up in this hate that he didn't know what else to do. How to react. How to deal with people, with those around him. How to stay still for longer than a minute. And while Naruto understood, the others didn't, and their judgmental eyes were the last thing he needed. Leaving was the only option, peppered with self-discovery, sacrifice, and learning how to trust again.

The sudden movement, the touch of the hand against his wrist surprised him, and he didn't pull away. The finger was warm, the brush almost ticklish, and he stood there with his one hand being held, his other missing, and the silence yawning like a chasm between them. Itachi was smiling. That was good.

"Of course." He wanted him there. Needed him. Not because of questions like before, or demands for attention, or the host of other reasons that he had when they growing up and after. No, this was because they had to make up for lost time, for what was taken from them.

"When you're better, we can leave." Because Sasuke could deal with himself, his own injuries if he had to; he wouldn't let Itachi stay here a second longer than he had to. He trusted no one. "We can travel until we find something better."

[sanzengarasu]

Working through his memories, he identified Sakura and vaguely recalled some of her body language and reactions to thoughts about his brother. If anything, he could honestly believe she would have a certain kind of loyalty to him. Not that he felt comfortable having Sasuke use that for his own benefit, but part of him wanted to let Sasuke do what he wanted. For so long he forced him down a certain path and now he just wanted to see what sort of person his brother would become without his pushing.

“If you trust her, then I will as well.” Not an easy assertion to make, not when he spent his life not trusting anyone but himself and his own decisions. This felt like stepping foot into new territory.

But even just being here, in what he could only assume was Konoha, felt wrong and uncomfortable. Even if he would fight for the village and all it stood for, he didn’t feel like he belonged there and he was sure he never would again. It made his offer to stay with Sasuke a little daunting, but he had undergone worse in his life for his brother’s sake.

His hand still felt warm, like a shadow of memory from that contact that slipped through him and revived him more than any medical jutsu could. Such simple interaction with Sasuke that didn’t involve pretending to be indifferent or hateful was like remembering what it meant to be alive again. It made it easier to forget the pain and ache in his body.

Itachi inclined his head at the declaration that they would leave. Taking a deep breath, he nodded in relief at the idea of not staying here. Even if he couldn’t see the stares of the villagers, he would feel the weight of each person’s eyes on him. It would be no better than living with the Akatsuki and never being able to let his guard down. “Being well enough to travel is all I need.”

He didn’t know if he would ever be fully well, but moving regardless of his physical state was something he was used to. “As long as you’re healthy enough as well.” Then they could leave.

Together.

A huff of a sound that might have been a laugh in another time and place left him almost in surprise. Covering his mouth with a hand on impulse, it hid the wider smile that relieved lines of stress and eased his expression even in the vacant gaze of onyx. “I can’t remember… what it’s like.” To travel with someone he wanted to be with. That he trusted to a point that even possible betrayal wouldn’t change how he felt. “Thank you.”

He wasn’t sure the exact reason why he thanked him. Just that he should.

[eyes_that_burn]

Trust...was an odd concept to him. There was no part of him that could trust anyone implicitly anymore, and instead security was replaced with waiting for some inevitable betrayal that he worried would always appear. The most he could do was trust in instances, in moments, in plans: I trust that they will do what they say they will and I trust that this plan will work accordingly. Even then, it was made up of too many external variables and circumstances that he often had no control over, leaving the ground shaky at best.

Trust was a fragile concept when everyone (aside from one person, one idiot blonde) had ultimately betrayed him.

"She can do it." No mention of that word, because he wouldn't lie to Itachi. He wondered if she would do it at a price, at a promise not to leave the village.

But he and Itachi had already made up their minds it seemed. Well enough to travel? Was he now? Probably not. Sasuke wasn't, but that had hardly stopped him before, had it? Would Itachi know? If he told him longer, would he suspect that there was more wrong with Sasuke than he was letting on? His brother was smart enough...

"I need two days," which was probably weeks shorter than he really needed, but he said nothing more. The medical team had been trying to talk him into a prosthetic, but he didn't want it. This was a scar to remind him of what he had been through, this was the mark that signified everything. There was no shame in remembering the past.

And when he threatened to lose himself in those feelings again, when he started to box himself off and close down as he had once before, he would look at it and remember Naruto.

Could he take care of himself until it healed though? Change the dressing without screaming? Keep out the infections? He hoped so.

The laugh surprised him, and Sasuke didn't realize it, but he smiled a bit, a hint, a ghost. How long had it been since he had heard his brother laugh? Since they were children? Even then? It...was a nice sound.

"You might regret it when you realize how hard I'm going to push you." Which wasn't true, not exactly; he would favor his brother more than he had the other people he had moved with, that was for sure. The last bit of his chakra was spent in those eyes and they faded from red to black once more; he was tired. This didn't bode well. "Rest." You will need it.

"I should go back before they look for me.

[sanzengarasu]

Itachi already started a mental check of his body. The aches and pains could be ignored. The heavy feeling in his lungs would be the most troublesome, but if he could get the right medicines as he had before he could ignore it like always. However, if either if the medical nin could help him, it would make the fight easier. Keeping his breaths carefully moderated for the best avoidance of shocking pain was the most important thing he'd learned over the years of being sick.

Not that Sasuke's answer made him feel any hope. Unless she was in on the 'truth', the likelihood of her feeling any glimpse of empathy for him was slim. For now, he would let it lie. If she refused, he knew he could work around it as he always had.

With the added problem of blindness.

Angling his head, he cut a slightly narrowed look toward Sasuke. "Broken ribs need more than two days." Even if he knew both of them could survive it and keep moving, if there was no rush, there was no need to just leave still injured. Finally sighing, he shook his head. He knew he would leave regardless of that feeling if Sasuke wanted to go. But he at least needed to point it out.

He still cared too much about Sasuke's well being to simply ignore that thought.

The warning made him stop. The lightness of expression slowly bled out to something a little more stoic and even keel. If anything, he might regret being a burden on Sasuke. Having to deal with a blind person... the idea had him pulling back and regretting his decision to follow him. Sweeping his hand over his face, he rubbed at his eyes futilely and tangled his fingers in his bangs to push them back.

"I have been through worse." Had he? Even with the active disease eating him alive, his eyes hadn't failed him yet even if they were fading. It made him wonder how long it would take before Sasuke would leave him behind and how fitting it would be if he did. Or worse still... was knowing he would want him to the more he thought about it.

He would just have to work harder.

Starting with being in an unfamiliar room alone with no bearings on his surroundings. It felt like the walls were suddenly too close and there were no exits. Part of him wanted to ask Sasuke to stay, but the idea felt wrong. He wasn't weak. He could figure this out...

Or he would be left behind.

Nodding slowly, he felt the line furrow on his brow as he tightened his jaw to keep from saying anything else. Itachi needed to learn to do this on his own. Didn't he?

Just like I always have.

I hope this is okay!

[eyes_that_burn]

“For other people. Not for me.”

Sasuke held back the laughter that wanted to bark free. Broken ribs did take more than two days, but missing arms? Missing arms took months. And how upset would Itachi have been to know that? There would be no way he would leave then, instead worrying and grounding Sasuke to some place with medical care.

Itachi should be the one who was looked over, cared for, watched. He shouldn’t even be here, not with death, not with the disease, not with…all of this that he had already endured over and over again. Why couldn’t Sasuke do it for once? Why couldn’t he be the one protecting his elder brother?

But Sasuke’s body did want to rest more than the mind; both wanted to curl into his brother’s bed with him and just sleep. But there was no way he could be that close; Itachi would know, would find out. And the walls here would talk. They would whisper. And he wasn’t ready for his vulnerabilities, for his closeness towards any one person, to be murmured when he still wasn’t certain over the formal state of his pardon.

“I know you have.” Because Itachi had suffered for him, for the village, for the ninja world and every person in it. He had suffered from the disease that ravaged him. He had died. He had come back to fight and die again. And he was here now.

No one had suffered more than Itachi, and Sasuke would destroy anything that would try to make him hurt again.

“But I won’t let you go through it any more.”

The look on his brother’s face worried him, and for the moment, he didn’t move. Would leaving him be worse? Itachi wouldn’t be able to find him if he needed him, instead at the confusing mercy of the shadowy people surrounding him. Of course. He was an idiot for not realizing it sooner.

“You can follow me to my room.” Would someone ask about his arm in public? Maybe he could put a sign on the door. Maybe they wouldn’t discuss his medical issues in front of his brother. He hoped. “Count the steps. I’m not far, and then you can come and go when you want.”

He really doesn't want to admit how relieved he is XD

[sanzengarasu]

"I know." But Sasuke, whether he wanted to believe it or not, was still a human. Itachi just knew that he had no right to criticize him. He had no right to take on a role of protector when he'd worn a mask of cruelty for years. Still... he felt a nagging feeling that he shouldn't be so complacent or held back about this.

If nothing else, he could wait. Wait until he knew how people would react to him. If they would even talk to him...

Dark unseeing eyes rose to Sasuke at that acknowledgment and he felt like a few of the knots come lose in his back and chest just from the relief of tension there. Tension he'd slept with and kept his constant companion. Fuel for a disease that killed him from the inside with the burden of emotions he couldn't put into words or show in the world around him till he finally wondered what was the truth in the end.

Itachi never wanted a thank you. He never wanted to be appreciated or have anyone in debt to him. He wanted to do what was right and protect the lives of the village.. and more than that, he wanted to keep Sasuke safe. Be useful in a way that the village could never turn their backs on the one he cared about and loved the most.

A barest hint of a smile pulled at his lips at that declaration. He rolled over his thoughts and feelings, picking through them in his careful fashion that always made him aware of his words and actions from habit. "You're the first." He said it quietly. A strange sense of intrigue at the thought of being protected. Shisui probably tried. Itachi never let him. Not if he could help it.

The thoughts only made him miss Shisui and want to ask Sasuke to stay even more. Such things were as attainable as the shadows billowing through his vision were. Which only made him more determined to figure this out. To learn to 'see' without seeing so Sasuke wouldn't have to do anything for him...

Still, Sasuke's offer washed over him like a hand being offered to him while falling. Like just maybe this darkness wouldn't swallow him whole. "Will that be all right?" Itachi was a criminal. To let him wander around may not be so acceptable.

Not that it stopped him from carefully sliding off the edge of the bed to put his feet on the floor. He stared blankly down at the floor as he put his weight on his legs. He released the breath he'd been holding as they stayed strong even if they protested strongly. Likely from lack of use as well as the aftermath his own life had left on him.

Standing there, he scratched at the tape on his arm frowning. He wanted it gone, the idea of anything inhibiting him even if helping, settled wrong in his stomach. Sighing, he moved to grab the pole in slight irritation. Two days... he could put up with it till then. Probably.

Yet, he found stepping forward felt more intimidating than he foresaw it to be. Not knowing where his feet would land or what he might run into... Or that he might lose track of his brother in the noise of the hallway beyond felt like a rock in his stomach.

Just breathe. "I would like to try. Lead on."

When would choices be easier to make? Because the choice to take his first steps forward in this new dark world in front of Sasuke proved no easier than anything else he'd ever decided to do. And for a moment, he hesitated, not so sure he wanted to move. If he didn't loathe the idea of a stranger touching him to 'help' this sort of thing go easier... he might have told Sasuke it was a bad idea.

Awwww, bb!!

[eyes_that_burn]

It wasn’t a bad idea. Sasuke would prove it.

He watched his brother stand, watched him scratch at the tape. Don’t pick at it, he wanted to say, but the voice in his head sounded too much like their father’s and he wasn’t sure he wanted to emulate it. His own hand rested over Itachi’s, warm, holding it.

“Don’t.” And he sounded more like their mother. That… was bearable.

For a moment, Sasuke was frozen, unsure how he would move his pole and hold Itachi’s hand at the same time. He couldn’t put the damn pole in the crook of his shoulder without tripping over the wheels every time he took a step, and there was no way to hold his hand and Itachi’s and the pole, not without putting undue weight and pressure on it. Either move would probably involve falling face first and causing more damage to already existing injuries.

A curse bubbled at his lips but he choked it down. There was a way around this. There was.

After a breath, he shoved Itachi’s hand at the scratchy medical gown. “Hold it,” he muttered, trying to ignore that it was almost infantile, with a child holding onto the tails of their mother’s skirt. It was the only option he could think of and the notice was short.

If asked, he would say he needed his other hand for balance against the wall. That was reasonable, right? Believable?

It didn’t matter, because Sasuke was walking after a deep breath, with slow, shuffling steps. He could do this. He could get them back to his room, and then he could fall asleep in his bed and Itachi would know where he is and could maybe sleep in the chair. It would be fine…dependent on Sasuke. He had to lead them; he had to guide them.

And he would.

“I’m here. Don’t let go.”

XD He wants to call this hell, but having Sasuke back makes him haaaappy.

[sanzengarasu]

Something about Sasuke's touch kept taking him back. Even when they were kids, Itachi made a point to always instigate most of the time. So now... just a glancing touch or even that hand on his to stop him made everything feel warmer. It made him want to something too familiar... like wrapping his arms about the younger and just holding him tight.

But Sasuke wouldn't want that from him. Why would he?

Lips parted as he took in deeper breaths. Not necessarily his best idea. It made his lungs protest and soon he used his other hand to press over his mouth as he coughed. It stung. Pure burning sensation gripped at his lungs, but he managed to hold his breath and stop it.

Controlling his breaths once more, he moved his hand back to the pole and gripped it firmly. It may have left him more tired than before, but it didn't remove his determination to follow Sasuke. And luckily, his body movements didn't betray the pain too much so Sasuke shouldn't worry. It wasn't like blood was coming up. For that... he was extraordinarily grateful.

What he didn't expect was to have his hand placed on the hospital gown. Blinking a few times, his fingers twitched a little, brushing at his brother's body before he numbly curled his fingers into the cloth. His mind reasoned out why this route was taken instead of just pulling his hand. It could be a number of reasons. Sasuke may not want to hold his hand. Or he may have been lying about the severity of his injuries. What he could do was not ask. Not now. He was used to just following or leading with Kisame without talking or prying. Maybe this was a time to do the same.

A pathetic voice told him he just didn't want Sasuke to change his mind.

Instead, he focused on putting one foot in front of the other. He Wasn't all that sure how he would note landmarks with his hand clutching at Sasuke, but he didn't want to let go either. Hearing Sasuke reassure him... only made him hand grip tighter.

The bump of the IV pole hitting the door frame made him have to adjust, yet he was glad he ran into it. It gave him a starting point. Somewhere he could note to start counting his steps. His muscles protested, but he kept as straight a posture as he could as they moved. He didn't want to look helpless, and he could hear the murmur and roll of voices around them as they moved.

It wasn't just his name he heard, but Sasuke's as well. Voices filled with wonder and uncertainty. He could hear the shuffle of feet as people moved away from them and something tightened painfully in his chest. He never wanted this for his brother.

In time, the words moved more toward him. About how he should be dead. Why was he even there? It wasn't until he caught the accusatory words whispered none too quietly about why Sasuke would even let him near him that his grip faltered.

Maybe his steps also faltered as somehow he felt the catch of the wheels on something and he impulsively had to let go and stop. Better to do such a thing than fall. Or, so he thought until the reality sunk in of where he was and suddenly his hearing was too sharp. The voices started to run together and the sound beat against his ears and his brain like hammers and nails until it felt dizzying.

Did he turn while he stopped to right himself? Was he facing the right direction? With all the sounds in the hall, he couldn't even begin to pinpoint where his brother was. His hand curled with knuckle whitening intensity on the IV pole as his other hand balled into a fist at his side.

Breathe. The unsteady mantra in his head repeated that word as he tried to drown out what people were saying and ignore that prickling sensation of eyes on him. His vacant but widened eyes turned off to the side and at the floor to avoid looking around and letting the panic sink in.

He might have been okay if someone hadn't moved so close he could feel their proximity. It wasn't Sasuke. He knew what his brother's presence felt like. This was someone else. And his knee jerk reaction was to step back instantly until he felt his shoulder hit the wall. Whoever it was sighed sharply and grumbled. "You need to go back to your room." The next words weren't missed even if they were quiet. "I told them restraints were needed, but no one listens to me."

Itachi frowned, his body tensing at the first bare brush of that person's fingers on his shoulder and he had to react. His own hand gripped their wrist tightly holding the appendage away from him. Pressing his lips together, he very calmly spoke. "Please, do not touch me."

Obviously a calm voice didn't help, because he could feel the tension of panic all the way up the man's arm as he yelped. Releasing him, didn't seem to help either as the person stumbled back like Itachi did more than just stop him from touching him. Pressing his back to the wall, he listened to the panicked voices, demands for help if they were going to house criminals.

After a while, he started to drown them out. If he kept listening, his own panic would take over. It felt like there wasn't enough air to breathe suddenly.

Overprotective much, Sasuke?

[eyes_that_burn]

It was fine. Sasuke waited when the pole caught, didn't start moving again until his brother was situated, and then the steps were deliberate, careful. He might have even counted them out under his breath, One. Two. Three. It was only to help him, giving him a line to follow in the mess of sounds: beeping, footsteps, murmurs, pained yells, gossip, more wheels against floors. This was the world of medicine, and it was so much noisier than anyone could imagine.

Sasuke was prepared for the stares. He was prepared for the murmurs, for the accusatory snorts, for the avoidance in the hallway. He was prepared for the hate. The only difference was, he was prepared for it to be leveled at himself, at the traitor, at the deserter. That had been master plan, hadn't it? Give them one enemy, one villain to rally behind, and how much loathing he received in return was paramount. He had a shell. He had skin. He had been ready.

Against his brother? That was different. The hair on the back of Sasuke's neck started to stand up the second he felt the first set of eyes on them, his jaw tightening as he heard the first whisper. Knuckles turned white as he gripped the pole tighter.

He can handle himself battled with The arrogant assholes have no idea how much he sacrificed and bled for them and old feelings started to bubble up. Shut down. Fall back into old comfortable habits, familiar hates. Teeth ground. And--

What I want to do is going to the take cooperation of all shinobi everywhere!! And, of course, that includes you!!

Naruto. So loud, even when he wasn't around.

But even those words faded, that rational snapped as he felt his brother stop moving, as he heard those words behind him. Letting go of the pole, Sasuke dug into the well of chakra, mustering enough to flash that mismatched rinnegan-sharingan combo as he turned on his heel. He would feel this later, know a deep exhaustion and pain, but he didn't care.

This was personal.

Without thinking, he reached out with his left arm and almost immediately corrected himself, letting his right snap out instead. Striking that offending medical worker in the chest with the flat of his forearm, he shoved him as far back as he could while he stepped in between his brother and the ensuing crowd. In the back of his throat, he growled and teeth flashed as he brought up the purple small ribs of Susanoo to wrap around Itachi and himself.

I have fifteen seconds of this at best. Fifteen. But maybe I can get the point across in that time.

"We are here of our own volition," he hissed, letting his gaze fall on each person and watching them look anywhere else, afraid of a genjutsu. "We just want to go to my room. It would be wise to let us pass."

No would touch Itachi. No one.

Itachi likes it, so it's fine XD

[sanzengarasu]

Just when he thought he might lose hold of the calm and he couldn't breathe at all, he felt it. The crackling of familiar chakra and the proximity of his brother. At some point, his hand had moved to press over his chest as though he could hold his lungs still or draw air in physically.

For a shockingly painful moment, his eyes hurt. Like they wanted to react and activate something that would never happen again. Now he was a spectator witnessing his younger brother wielding Susanoo. Itachi would never be able to draw forth that ability ever again and protect his brother as he had in that fight against Kabuto.

A wave of exhaustion hit him as the tension bled out in spite of that revelation. He felt safe. Like for once, he didn't have to rely only on himself. It even drowned out his desire to chastise the younger for threatening them.

In truth, the only person that had any right to point fingers at him stood between him and those that were pointing the fingers. Itachi stole everything from Sasuke including himself, and now the younger became the wall between him and possible danger. The feeling of that truth threatened to swallow him whole as he pressed his palm over his aching eyes. Breathing in slowly, he felt the shudder roll up his spine.

This time, he gauged it right. One hand reached out and softly slid through Sasuke's hair to softly rest on his forehead as he let his weight shift so his face pressed into the back of his head gently. The motion and touch was soft. Mindful of wounds and anything else he could upset.

"Thank you." His words were whispered only for him into the thick dark hair before he angled his head just subtly enough to brush a kiss to the back of his head before he let him go.

If the fear of his brother pushed them back, that strange action on his part had the hall utterly silent except for shuffling of feet and beeps of machines. No one said anything. This, he could handle this level of sound.

His hand slipped down once more to grip Sasuke's hospital gown, his knuckles trailing in a soothing motion over his back in the process. From the shuffle of feet, he figured that people were moving away or clearing a path, either way, he took it as a sign. "I won't let go this time."

YAY! That's all that matters!

[eyes_that_burn]

His forehead. It was always his forehead: the pokes, even the hitai-ate, the single scratch across it. It always came back round to that, didn't it? As if some beacon was pulsing under the skin, begging for interaction in that one specific spot.

Sasuke sighed, soft, careful, fighting against the urge to close his eyes and settle into rare affection. When was the last time he had been touched with something other than a medical intention or a fist? When was the last time someone had come close enough for something kind?

...Itachi. Itachi was the last one, after that fight with Kabuto when their foreheads were pressed together. And it was Itachi now. Would it always be him, a circulating historic motion?

The tension in his shoulders slid away, his eyes still glaring at everyone as the Susanoo dissipated slowly around them. Let them think it was because he let it go and not because his chakra was gone; it would be for the better, all things considered. Let them think that it was the brother that soothed the savage beast. He grunted at Itachi's words, small, soft, trying to keep his composure. Everything was about composure, was about the masks, was about perceptions; nothing would change, no matter what Naruto did.

His hand grabbed the pole, and quietly he muttered, "Do you remember what number step you were at?" And if he didn't, Sasuke would answer him with the correct one before he started walking again. He wished he could hold his hand, but the pole...

Dammit.

Teeth grabbed the clear tubing of the line and with a little growl, he tore the IV out of his arm. Sakura would kick his ass later for that, he knew it, but for now he only spit it out and let it drip antibiotics and pain meds fruitlessly onto the floor. A few of the people gasped; he ignored them. It would have to work for now.

His hand grabbed Itachi's, and walked (shuffled) without the sound of wheels following after them. Itachi might get mad as well, but he would deal with that around the same time he was trying to fend off his medical team. "Not much farther. Ten feet, then we will take a right."

He's just glad also that Sasuke didn't get mad at him for that XD

[sanzengarasu]

The dying down of that powerful jutsu hummed through his senses. He felt keenly aware of of the shift in Sasuke's chakra, especially after being so close. It made him want to saw the words he said before again. Just to be sure Sasuke never forgot he meant it. Even if he was alive now, it didn't change.

Now if he could only remember what happened. What got him here. Why was he alive? Part of him hoped it was just for this. The ability to show the side of himself to his brother that he'd never been allowed to before. That... that was worth losing his eyes for as long as Sasuke wanted him in his life.

The thoughts scattered; however, when Sasuke spoke to him asking that question. Quickly recovering the count he'd been tallying, he nodded his head. "I remember." Hopefully they weren't too far off path after that. It might skew his perception of the walk here.

That sound...

Itachi's eyes widened, his gaze directed at his brother as he imagined what he had just heard. Blinking a few times, his head turned at the sound of rubber tubes clanking against metal and the soft gasps from onlookers. What did Sasuke do?

He started to question, his eyes searching pointlessly for an answer he wouldn't find in the shadows. Then he felt Sasuke's hand taking his. The warmth startled him out of his desperate attempt to figure out what was going on. "Sasuke..." His voice floated from his lips quietly, a note of question in the name.

At first he didn't move right away, but soon he did. A look that hinted wonder fell on his brother's back before falling to their hands. Even if he couldn't see it... he could imagine it. And after another second, he shifted their hands and lightly slipped his fingers between the younger's and squeezed it softly.

Itachi couldn't remember the last time someone held his hand. He'd never needed to be led anywhere. Maybe Sasuke had always been the only one. The difference this time was that he was the one following the younger Uchiha.

Suddenly, he found himself smiling. Just a tiny almost self-deprecating smile. He'd promised Sasuke he would try harder. That he would figure this out and do his best not to be a burden. And yet... he was already messing that up.

Itachi forgot to count after Sasuke had taken his hand.

And though he tried for the remainder of the walk, his focus was drifting. Probably due to being tired and also because he kept coming back to things that Sasuke had done in the short time they had been reunited. Little things that told him that something impossible moments before might not be so impossible after all.

So when he felt his shoulder brush a door-frame when they changed direction, Itachi held back and found the door with minimal fumbling. His hand only loosened on his brother's a moment before the click of the door sounded in his ears. Using that connection to Sasuke, he didn't wait any longer. Waiting ended in tragedy. Telling Sasuke 'later' over and over...

Later ended in them being separated time and again.

Which was why he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck and pulled the other closer to him. Turning his face, he pressed against the curve of his brother's neck and huffed a sound he couldn't even recall ever making before. "You're so tall now."

It wasn't what he wanted to say. It just came out in a rush. One hand shifted to tangle into dark hair, his grip likely tighter than it should be, but not painful. What could he say? What should he say?

"However I got here... whatever happened..." His voice sounded so young for a moment. He couldn't even recognize himself. "I would give up my eyes again..." Not just to hold Sasuke... but to feel like he actually belonged in his life in some form or fashion.

His eyes burned at his own fight for words. He could feel the pressure in them from wanting to see and wanting to let himself cry. Neither he would have whether by choice or impossibility. "I know I am of no use like this." And that thought hurt more than anything else. To be utterly useless to this one person he would give everything for.

Sasuke's just mad at everyone else other than him!

[eyes_that_burn]

There wasn’t a fight, just a name. Sasuke wondered if Itachi hadn’t figured out what he had done (no, no way) or if he was just going to hold up the appearance of solidarity in front of the rabbling crowd. Or…maybe he just understood the desperation Sasuke had felt in that moment, that need to prove that they were together, a team, some front inseparable and united.

He wondered if they could eventually be looked at like a beacon of hope: these two who could come back together after everything they had been through. Somehow, Sasuke doubted it, and instead it probably struck as some sort of conspiracy: Uchiha broke the natural order of life and death only to be beholden to one another. They were not to be trusted.

Sasuke squeezed that hand, letting the fingers slip between his own like a lock, and he squeezed them in return. Careful around the door, Sauske found peace only when they were inside and the door was shut behind them; his breathing was labored, not deep enough to get air into his lungs. He was tired. No, not tired, but exhausted, the back of his gown starting to grow wet with sweat. He needed to lie down. He needed to sleep. He needed—

Arms. There were arms around him and Itachi was there, and at least they were around his neck but it was close, too close, he could find out, why was he—why was he doing this? He didn’t—he didn’t—

“Nii-san…?” He whispered it, worried. Are you dizzy? Are you going to pass out? But Itachi was doing nothing else other than hugging him, his face against his neck, and idly Sasuke wondered if he could feel his racing pulse slamming in his throat. Itachi…was hugging him. Really hugging him.

“I…grew.” What a stupid thing to say, and he realized he was blushing, cheeks burning red. All these years and his brother hadn’t really done this before, not as far as he could remember. Piggyback rides when injured and forehead pokes, sure, but this? This was different. “It’s been awhile.”

His good arm rose up, fingers gently grabbing at the other’s back and fisting itself in the fabric there, clutching, holding on. Tight. Tight enough to make the threading whine. His chin rested on the other’s shoulder, remaining there as he closed his eyes and just existed in this rare, strange moment.

This is a dream brought on by the medication. That’s all. He isn’t here. I’m alone. This isn’t real. It can’t be real.

“Don’t say that,” he muttered, his legs threatening to give out but sheer force of will kept him upright. He could almost laugh, thinking of what a broken pair they were. “I will find a way to fix you. I swear it.”