To be forgotten... (for eyes_that_burn)

[sanzengarasu]

The moment Pein told them Deidara died, he felt it like something slithering over his skin. That cruel foreboding that crept up his spine and nagged at the back of his mind. When he finally said the words 'he's dead', Itachi forced all of his self-control into play. Don't react. Don't look surprised. Don't look like something died a little inside.

He might have died completely in that moment if he didn't hold on stubbornly to the hope and faith that his brother wouldn't die so easily. A fact he told Kisame clearly before he parted ways. Kisame long gave up on figuring out his mind. And he lied one more time saying he would be back soon. Perhaps his long time partner thought that he went to mourn. Whatever the man believed, he didn't move to stop him and simply shrugged his shoulders.

How many times had Kisame called him merciless and cold?

Itachi remembered someone say once that if you said something enough, it became reality. For a long time he believed it himself. He must be. He had to be. And yet... the moment he felt Sasuke's chakra reappear he couldn't help but go to him. Racing to a destinations end, meaning only to figure out the truth. How was his brother... would he live through it?

Sasuke...

All of his intentions revolved around just checking. Being sure. Yet, the moment he saw Manda laying on the ground dying, he found himself drawn closer like a moth to the flame. Walking slowly at first, he finally saw his brother's form falling out of the snake's mouth and the curses from the dying reptile as it breathed its last. The man beside his brother rose fast, a sharp motion of surprise as he reached for the hilt of his sword on his back.

"Oi! Who are y--" The question died on the other's tongue as he turned his head to spare him a scarlet glance. The pupil stretched and curled in three directions, weaving the all too familiar genjutsu that caused his mind to burn and his eyes to feel as though they might explode. The heat and fluid of bright red clouded his vision before it slipped out of the corner of his eye to trail down his cheek slowly.

"I don't have time for you." Done in haste, the Tsukuyomi wouldn't last as long. He didn't have time to worry about it. If anything, it would antagonize his injured brother more. But... that was the point, wasn't it? Make Sasuke hate you.

Breathing out slowly, he moved his gaze toward his brother, the curled arms of the Mangekyou slowly withdrawing to the normal shape of the Sharingan. Staring down at Sasuke, he only shifted to swipe at the blood on a pale cheek. The chill of rain still seeped into his bones, his chest screaming in agony as he watched his brother's battered and bruised form. Breathing... Sasuke was breathing and alive. Closing his eyes only for a moment, he started to turn to leave. Kisame would be waiting for him and he saw what he needed to see.

But for some reason he stopped. Half turned away, his head turned to let the crimson gaze fall on his brother. "Sasuke..." He hesitated a moment and changed the words around in his head before opening his mouth again. "Your escape from Deidara was rather clever." I'm so glad you're alive.

Comments

[eyes_that_burn]

He was in a snake’s mouth.

Barely conscious. He was barely conscious, and it was warm and wet, the forked tongue beneath him moving and twitching. Breath. There was breath, animal and hot as saliva dripped onto his cheeks, soaked into his back from where he laid. How did he get here? Had he been swallowed? Devoured? Was he poisoned and that was where this pain erupted from?

Was he going to die in here?

But the maw opened, the world suddenly blinding, bright, and he tumbled forth while hissed words brushed warm air over his body. His eyes were closed, and he didn’t care that he didn’t understand anything this beast was saying; he…he would worry about it later. Later, when he wasn’t hurt. Later, when…the world made sense.

Sounds. First there had been light, and now…sounds. Words, not from the serpent but someone else. Two someones, two very different voices, two very different tones, one that stopped, one that spoke. Footsteps. The fall of something heavy, metal, a thud into the dirt. A sword, maybe? Armor? It was impossible to tell without looking.

He was afraid to look.

But then the footsteps were going away, and he would be alone. No answers. No nothing but a dead snake and emptiness. The anxiety of knowing nothing, of understanding nothing started to swarm over him; he felt as though he was drowning in questions, in dread; this was a level beyond lost, beyond not knowing and deep into something else, another state of being.

He was a blank slate.

He was the wind.

Dark eyelashes parted as he looked up to the sky, bright and blue and full of clouds, of dust and disturbances. His chest rose in a shaky, small breath, and his voice was quiet, almost…fearful. Confused. Small.

“Who is Sasuke?”

[sanzengarasu]

After a fight with someone like Deidara, Itachi expected the wounds. Considering the instant reaction from the man with the sword, he figured that at least he would be cared for after this brief and likely soon to be angry conversation. But... that anger didn't come at his comment.

Instead, he saw something strange in his brother's eyes and the expression on his face. Confusion, perhaps? A feeling of being lost and uncertain. Whatever it was, it made Itachi feel shaken. Like the ground under his feet wasn't quite as solid as it seemed.

Then he answered.

Eyes widening, he stared in utter disbelief. His body moved of its own volition, drawn to that small voice and almost childlike plea of confusion. "Sasuke..." He spoke carefully as he lowered down to one knee beside the younger man. Where the fear and worry gripped at his chest, his eyes stayed blood red. Always ready and always prepared for an unseen attack. Not that he feared one coming. Sasuke couldn't fake this. Not after the torment Itachi put him through.

Brow furrowing, he ran his eyes over the younger's face and head and realized some very key details. All of which added up to what seemed to be a nasty head injury. "Look at me, otouto..." His voice shifted a strange note of worry in his tone as he leaned down to meet his brother's gaze. "Don't you know who you are?"

Something tightened up inside painfully... bracing himself for that answer.

His head turned, picking up the chakra of two more heading their way. No... he couldn't leave things like this. Even if Kisame and the Akatsuki were waiting for him. Gritting his teeth, he returned his gaze to the one person that managed to always shift his mind and thoughts while holding absolute power over him.

They needed to move.

This would be a deciding moment. If Sasuke fought him off, then some of the memories were still there. If he didn't... If he didn't, then Itachi was certain something inside would break down completely.

"We need to move, otouto..." Without thought, he swept the younger up in his arms as he rose to his feet and turned to run. "Don't jar your head and hold on to me." Would he listen? The other two were coming fast.

So he moved. Quickly, zipping into the tree lines while making note of all of the chakra signs and how to move past them. Through them. "What do you remember?"

[eyes_that_burn]

He was coming back. The man with the strange red eyes was coming back. How could they be that color? How were his pupils in such weird shapes?

Why was he innately afraid to look at them?

He closed his eyes, but the man told him to look, so he obediently looked. Otouto. His brow furrowed as he thought about that, wondered why he couldn’t remember him if he was… if he was his brother. He searched, staring up into his gaze, looking at the fall of his hair, the lines in his face, the way his mouth moved while his voice wrapped around him. He should know him. If they were brothers, they had grown up together, right? They had lived together? They had loved each other like family was supposed to?

“I’m your brother?” And this wasn’t an observation, no, but a question, a response to that word, to otouto. His eyes stared helplessly up at him, feeling the anxiety to crush him like an attack. No faces were familiar. Nothing was recognizable. He was lost. He was alone. He couldn’t remember himself, let alone anyone else. His breath started to speed up, heart slamming in his throat.

Don’t you know who you are?

“N…No.” He didn’t. He didn’t, and he was afraid. Why should he believe this person? Why should he believe anything that was said? Had he come trying to rescue him from the snake? Or was he part of the reason the snake tried to eat him in the first place? Didn’t they say that serpents had the ability to hypnotize their prey?

His gaze flickered to the other man, the one with pointed teeth, the one rendered immobile by this man.

“W…who are you?”

The arms were under him, slipping, lifting him and he grunted from the pain in his head. Hold on? But he didn’t know…he didn’t know for sure that this was real, that any of this was real, that this guy could be trusted. Hands, weak from the fight, weak from the chakra loss tried to push against the man’s chest, but not enough to shove away; that power was lost along with his memory.

“What did you do to that guy?” he hissed, refusing to answer questions until his own were. “Are you going to do the same thing to me?!”

[sanzengarasu]

Watching Shisui fall from the cliff had torn something in two that day. Killing his own parents had taken away something precious and feeling from the depths of his soul. Making his brother hate him and hurting him, felt like giving his soul away. Everything had been for a reason. Each agonizing step led to one goal... a straight line. Save the village.

Save Sasuke.

As long as Sasuke lived and breathed and acknowledged him even as an enemy, everything still had meaning. He fought for something.

But... this had to be the ultimate cruelty. In a life of pain and suffering and darkness... why did this hurt so much more? The red instantly faded from his eyes as he looked at his little brother in shock. Even knowing that Sasuke had a head injury didn't stop the world from collapsing beneath his feet. His steps stopped, his lips parting and nothing came out.

It hurt. The excruciating burn started in his chest as his heart seemed to stutter and made every muscle in his body twitch. For a moment, he swayed on his feet, nearly losing his grip on the younger as he tried to catch himself... tried to collect what was left of his scattered heart. The only remnants of Uchiha Itachi of Konoha and Sasuke's big brother. His fingers jerked ever so slightly against the teen's skin and legs until he had to slowly set his feet down while keeping Sasuke propped against his chest, one arm looped about his waist to keep him on his feel.

His mind felt numb. All of the sound around them echoed dully in his clouded thoughts. Closing his eyes, he slowly undid the cloak and slid it off his shoulders. In a flutter of fabric, he draped it over bare shoulders and fastened a few hooks close to the neck to keep it on Sasuke. All of the motions tenderly swept their touch against his brother, but his mind couldn't begin to comprehend. It shut down and withdrew as he fought that burning pain in his throat as it bubbled up from the knot in his chest.

The hand he lifted up shook as fingers timidly touched his brother's forehead softly before shifting to cup his cheek. Dark eyes blurred slightly as he met the younger's eyes once more. "You are Uchiha Sasuke." For some reason, his voice didn't sound like his own. It felt too rough and quiet. Too broken.

A frayed and tattered smile pulled at the corners of his lips as he felt anything but that expression. Not like this. Not when everything seemed to completely fall apart right in front of him. "You're my brother and the only thing left that matters to me." Why lie now? What was the point?

His hand slowly drifted listlessly as it fell away from his brother's cheek. Looking away to the side, he slowly shifted to pick him up again, this time keeping the pace slower as he spoke still in that soft unsteady tone. "It was just an illusion. He'll wake up soon." The explanation felt hollow. Sasuke should know this. And even if he didn't look at his brother, he spoke the last words on a breath. "No... I won't hurt you." Never again. Not like this.

[eyes_that_burn]

Those words, those questions had bothered the man; he could hear it in his breathing, could tell by the way he stopped. Good, bad, something in between, he wasn't sure, but there was something there, a weight upon this moment, and he couldn't even understand why.

Dammit!

They stopped. He leaned back against the man as he hissed, swaying, ready to collapse. The stress, the pain, the purest exhaustion that ripped through him and a heart that refused to be settled all began to take its toll on him, began to show in the paleness of his face, the darkness of his eyes. He was cold, chilled and he wondered where his shirt had gone.

The cloak made it easier to deal with, like a hand protecting him. Something about the clouds bothered him, reminded him too much of those eyes, and he was about to offer it back when he felt that touch to his forehead. Something. There was something about that. Something...important. Something he was missing. His wide eyes blinked, blank and confused, like he was in a genjutsu himself.

Frustration sunk in a moment later, wishing he knew it for himself. Being told ...being told wasn't the same.

"Uchiha...Sasuke..." The words were sounded out, tested on his tongue, but there was no recollection. Nothing magically fixed it. He was just as lost before as he was now. If he had been stronger, if he had been somewhere else, perhaps he would have broken something, picked something up and threw it in an effort to deal with the rage. Now, he only had his words, his questions to toss about. "What is your name?"

The warmth of the hand seeped into his face, and with such kind gestures, it almost felt real, believable. Skepticism was bred from a lack of faith, however, and there was no faith in an empty vessel. "Then why were going to walk away from me when I was hurt? Why weren't you there when...that happened?"

His cheek was chilled when the hand went away, but he was soon picked up, warm again. Weariness was seeping into him, but he fought it with the adrenaline of everything else happening to him anymore. "How were you able to do that to him?" he asked. "Why did you do it? Was he going to hurt me?"

[sanzengarasu]

Each well pronounced syllable felt like a blade on skin. The uncertainty and the the distrust of the name made his heart ache and his lungs burn. Doctors warned him about stress and dragging his body through more pains and speeding up the process of the disease, and for the first time he realized they may not have been exaggerating like he wanted to believe.

Sparing a glance at the younger, he soon closed his eyes and shook his head. What is your name? The question echoed in his mind and made him feel hollow. Like someone ripped everything out of him and left him with nothing. Itachi felt a wave of dizziness at such a simple question and he had to move a hand away from his brother to cover his mouth and hold his breath. Lowering his head, he didn't stop the first few sharp breaths that jerked his body with the need to cough and the tang of copper on his tongue was undeniably blood.

When he pulled his hand away, he didn't look at it. Didn't regard the warm liquid on his palm and fingers. He simply swept it off on his thigh and focused on his breathing. Shallow, careful breaths before a ragged attempt to talk. "It doesn't matter."

He'd rather face the other questions than the one about his name. He'd rather explain every Uchiha jutsu and story than tell Sasuke something simple like his name.

"I wasn't supposed to be there at all." His words were quiet, almost raspy after coughing like that. "I knew you could beat him." That faith he had in Sasuke had gotten him through each time he had to stand back and watch. "I just didn't think Deidara would go so far as suicide. If you hadn't used Manda as a shield, you would have died." Letting out a slow breath, he refocused on the younger's face. He wanted to feel relieved. Itachi should feel relieved. Sasuke was alive... but if he couldn't remember anything, is that the same as dying? "You wouldn't have wanted me to stay... But..." He hesitated, dancing that line of truth and not wanting to say too much. "If you can't remember anything..."

Sasuke's safety became endangered. He couldn't fight back at full power. If Madara or any of the Akatsuki wanted him, he wouldn't be able to fight back. He would have no reason to question either and Itachi knew in an instant that leaving Sasuke would go against everything he promised to do. To his parents... to himself. And his voice... so small and so much like the child he adored and loved when he sounded so confused.

Itachi felt tired. Too tired to run while carrying his brother, but he had no choice. He needed to move. Before Madara figured it out or Sasuke's group pulled it together to chase after him. "I used our kekkei genkai of the Uchiha clan. It's a genjutsu you use with your eyes. We call them the Sharingan." Shaking his head, he focused more of his attention on his movements and shielding their chakra from any that might be chasing after them. How far would he have to run to escape them all? Would he ever be able to run far enough?

His brow furrowed as he considered the boy he put under the Tsukuyomi and gave Sasuke a steady glance. "I didn't have time to deal with his hostility. I don't believe he would have hurt you. But I don't know him either. I have no reason to trust him." Narrowing his eyes, he dared to activate the Sharingan again with the familiar sensation of power and widening his field of vision that long started to blur around the edges without it. "Right now... he can't protect you. Not while you can't remember anything. If you stay with him... he will die. You have too many of the wrong people interested in you."

Shuffling through his memories of the area, he let his mind shift to necessary thoughts instead of those that clouded his mind. Stop thinking about the pain and the emptiness, and think about how he needed to get Sasuke to a safe place and doctor his wounds. Veering his course in the direction of a town just big enough to cover their presence long enough, he started to do a mental check of supplies they needed to keep Sasuke safe.

His voice came soft, low and firm with certainty as he looked down at the younger teen in his arms. "Sasuke... I promise you... I will not let anyone hurt you. I will keep you safe as long as I can." As long as his body would let him.

[eyes_that_burn]

There was so much information in the words he had received, layers upon layers of it. Each spoken sentence made him want to ask another series of questions, items to fill in the blanks that were so painfully obvious. None of it made sense, and sense was all he needed.

"What am I supposed to call you?" Brother? Nii-san? Both felt too intimate, too close, too affectionate, and he wasn't ready for that. Hell, he didn't even know if he was this man's brother; Sasuke (if that was his name) only had his word to go on, nothing else. What if he was lying? What would stop him?

Deidara... "Deidara is the reason I'm like this? But why? Why was I fighting him?" The floodgates were threatening to burst open, the push of the questions against them repeatedly beating against their doors. "Why wouldn't I have wanted you to stay if you were my brother? That's stupid. It makes no sense."

There it was, that annoyed, angry part of Sasuke, the part of him that couldn't be erased. The deeper down the rabbit hole they went, the more that part came out: the careful part, the skeptical part, the frustrated part. While the cold indifference forced upon him by choices and circumstance wasn't displaying itself, the rest was. It could have been a byproduct of the migraine, the stabbing pain in broken ribs and clavicle, the host of other contusions, of pain, of bleeding he had happening in that very moment.

Or it could have been just him.

But he danced between the lines of lost confusion, small in wonder, and the anxiety induced frustration of treading so much water, switching back and forth between the two. And the more that he sat in the other man's arms, the more the anger was winning out. Holes. There were so many holes in the story, so many doorways to walk through that led to other doorways.

What are you hiding?

"Why are the wrong people interested in me? Is it because of this... Sharingan?" Could he do the same thing? Incapacitate people so easily? How? "If these wrong people are following me, why haven't you been there helping me fight them?"

His throat clicked as he listened to a promise that seemed heavier than normal words, that seemed plagued with something else, a hidden vow that had so many strings dangling from it. There was a small nod, however badly it hurt, and he laid his head against his brother as they moved. He closed his eyes, uncertain if he could believe him still. He needed proof. He needed another person involved.

"Take me to our parents."

[sanzengarasu]

Itachi could feel the frustration and anger rolling off of Sasuke and how it grew with his vague answers. Where it felt muted down, it still felt like the ire he was used to in some ways. Shifting his eyes away from Sasuke, he let out a slow sigh. "Itachi. My name is Itachi." The family name should be obvious, but he didn't feel like he deserved it. He hadn't in a long time.

"I don't know how or why you two met." He had a feeling that Sasuke was looking for him and Deidara just happened to be part of the Akatsuki. "I only received word that you died." After the fact... not before. "I left to see. For myself." To be sure and answer the questions for himself. "Sasuke... I couldn't be there as much as I wanted to be. And you may not believe me, but the man that did this to you is part of the organization I joined years ago to get information on them. Right now, I don't have time to explain. I need to get you somewhere I can tend to your wounds and let you rest before we get further away."

Nodding once at the question about the Sharingan, he gauged the distance that he still needed to cover to get to the town he aimed for. Not much further. The surroundings were changing around them as they neared population instead of the wilderness. "Our eyes are precious... and rare. And yours have proven strong. Strong enough to grab a great deal of attention. I have been keeping them away from you... just not openly and without fighting." He glanced at his brother and gave him a strange quiet sort of smile. "I'm strong, Sasuke... but not strong enough to stop all of them." Not alone.

Slowing his pace as they neared the town, he dropped to the ground lightly as though he wasn't carrying a full grown person in his arms. Even if he swayed a little, he stayed on his feet. Moving at a pace that drew a slight less attention, he found the first inn he could and ducked inside. He put off the request just for a little while. Just until he could get them out of sight. "Wait a moment, Sasuke."

His voice was soft, almost soothing in quality as he asked for a room and paid. As he headed in that direction, he finally set his brother down carefully as he moved to open the door. "I would... but our parents died a long time ago." His voice faltered slightly as he unlocked the door and opened it. Slipping his arm about his brother's waist, he carefully led him into the room and waved to the only bed in the room. "Do you think you can make it there while I get things from the bathroom?"

Itachi hesitated. He looked at the stretch between them and the bed and finally closed his eyes. "No... let me help." Without waiting for an answer, he picked Sasuke up again carefully and moved to set him on the bed. But once he sat his brother down, he looked up at him and settled onto one knee in front of him. Now dark eyes searched his brother's face as he tried to finally gather some of his thoughts together. Where would he even begin to tell Sasuke the truth? Did he start with his birth? What should he start with?

Finally lowering his head, he let his hands rest on his knees and dug his fingertips into the legs. There... really only was one way that he could tell the other everything and not be tempted to lie or leave something out. If Sasuke allowed it. Once more lifting his head, he held his brother's gaze and spoke carefully. "The Sharingan is powerful. It gives many abilities to the user... including sharing memories in an instant. I don't... know a better way to tell you everything that spans a lifetime. I can... show you everything. If that is something you are willing to do and allow me to share it with you." He would not do it... not without permission.

[eyes_that_burn]

"Itachi." He repeated it slowly, committing it to a memory he no longer had, wishing it could jog something inside of him. It didn't. The voice stretched and yawned and now there was just a name with nothing attached to it other than the mysterious title of brother.

Sasuke (that was his name, right? It felt...fitting, somehow, but he didn't know) listened as best he could, but the injuries were taking their toll. He drifted in and out, fighting to concentrate, to tap into those feelings of being afraid if only to be hyperaware, but it was difficult. He caught what he could: Organization. Eyes. Precious. Strong, but not enough. He nodded, but it was more to keep his attention than to agree.

At least they found a place to finally rest, regroup.

The room... the room was simple, and he leaned against the wall when Itachi opened the door. Suitable for a night or several, but how long could they really stay if they were being hunted? How long did any of them truly have?

....Apparently longer than their parents. His lips tugged down in a frown, wishing...wishing he could be more sad than he was; they were names to him, ideals, but he wasn't connected to the word mother or father. He was connected to the people. And...he couldn't remember them at all.

"I think--" And he made a step with his teeth grinding, trying, pushing himself because that felt right, that felt better, familiar. But then Itachi was there, picking him up and he grunted as he was settled down. I could have gotten it. But he wasn't sure that was true, either.

Like this, waiting on the bed, they were close. He could smell this man now that the wind wasn't rushing by them as they ran; he could see the shine of his hair and the burden in his eyes. He could feel the tangible pain radiating off him, and the hesitation of what he was about to ask.

Sasuke understood the hesitation, but he wasn't sure he believed in the story. So much relied on trust, and it felt as though there was something he was missing. "You said you do illusions. How can I be sure that this isn't just an illusion you make up to get me to believe you? How do I know you're not one of those people you say are after me?"

[sanzengarasu]

Something about the grunt and the look of his brother suddenly pulled at the corners of his lips as he imagined how much his brother probably hated being 'helped' even now. Closing his eyes, he let his face relax into that unfamiliar expression as he spoke softer to him. "You probably didn't like that. You never did like it when anyone implied you couldn't do something on your own. It was..." He paused and the next word came out soft and adoring, "cute."

Itachi knew that word likely didn't make it any better, but he let himself be honest for a moment. He needed to be honest. Lies wouldn't work now. Not when Sasuke was a blank slate of uncertainty and people already noticed him. As a child, he had the chance to grow and become stronger. He didn't have that luxury now...

The smile melted away as he let out a soft sigh, the sadness lacing through that soft exhale. All of the weight came down on his shoulders and any of that mirth was chased away as he was presented with the very problem he expected. "Yes... illusions are one of our greatest weapons." Part of him was proud that Sasuke was wise enough to figure that out and be distrustful. "I'm actually... a little proud that you are noticing things like that."

Holding his brother's eyes a moment, he told himself he needed to force himself to speak honestly but not in a way that would scare Sasuke. "You don't know if I'm telling the truth. There is nothing I can say or do that can prove that to you. The people that can back me up on this are few... because I meant for the truth to die with me. That's... what I meant to happen all along."

Lowering his eyes to his feet, he closed them and smoothed his hair back and lightly behind his ears. Resting his weight on his heels, he curled his hands into fists in his lap and shook his head. "I've told lie after lie... fitting into that organization and becoming one of them so no one looked away from me. No one looked at you. Sasuke... you have every right to never believe me ever again." That truth hurt. "But lying through speaking is more likely to happen and why I rather show you... If I were lying there, I would find ways to make you trust me. And I believe with the Sharingan in you, you will be able to discern that truth... what is fabricated and what is real in my memories."

Slowly pushing to his feet, he took a step back. "Think about it. I won't do anything like that without your consent. And if you prefer I attempt to tell you, I will try." Turning, he moved toward the bathroom to recover a first aid kit. It really wasn't enough, but it would do for now. Grabbing water and towels, he moved back into the room and set the supplies on the end of the bed.

[eyes_that_burn]

Sasuke as surprised.

Itachi didn't try to convince him that yes, he should trust him, some unshakable thing that didn't let any doubt come in. In fact, it felt like the opposite, something different altogether as he fed the reservations of everything he was asking Sasuke to do. He admitted to lying. He admitted to deception.

He admitted to being proud of Sasuke, and it sent a strange sort of satisfaction through him, foreign, weighted.

"If no one looked at me, how are people following me now?" Because there was a flaw in that, but it was minor. Maybe it was a different idea, a different thought, but he couldn't let anything get in his way, escape him. If he was going to let Itachi do this...

And he was. He knew he was in that moment, when he realized that he had to take that chance. Even if it was a lie. Even if it was a trap. There no other way to get information, and at the moment, he was stuck in a circle, running round and round and round again. There had to be a way to change it, to get off this never-ending carnival ride that led to nowhere.

"Why can't you just stop lying?" he asked. Was it a pathological thing? Were the lies too deep that it was nearly impossible to see out of them? He frowned a little, wondering... wondering...

"Fine." He muttered it when the other was in the bathroom. Itachi was asking for consent and that had to mean something, didn't it? It went towards good faith when he could have done it on his own, with or without permission, but yet he still asked before daring to subject Sasuke to it. And while he was still afraid of it, while he was still nervous and apprehensive and wasn't sure what he would see and what he could believe, he needed at least a starting point.

So he took a shallow breath (his ribs hurt too much for anything deeper) and raised his eyes to Itachi's. "Do it, and I'll be the judge."

[sanzengarasu]

“You went from being no threat and of no use… to something stronger and unavoidable.” He spoke the words softly, a flitting notion of pride sweeping through him over that fact. His brother grew up to be someone that could face him head on and could possibly win. “You have learned how to use the Sharingan well… to a point that those that want it, know you are a better choice.” His expression fell a little as he tilted his head to the side. “I’m… no longer capable of being the better choice.”

Not when he was dying. Not when he was so wracked with disease that he would fall apart if he fought too long or too hard. But Sasuke didn’t need to know that. It was possible if he did share his memories, Sasuke would notice. He didn’t plan to hold anything back… but he didn’t think that mattered. Not really. If he died, he died. That should be a relief to his brother in either case.

Dark eyes lingered on those so like his own, as he considered his next words. “I’ve lied for so long, sometimes I forget the truth. And right now… even if you don’t remember me, I am remembering what it was like to be close to you. That’s not something I thought I’d ever have again. Not when I know that the choices I have had to make in my life ended in more unavoidable blood shed…”

What he hadn’t expected was for his brother to agree so quickly. Not answering that acceptance at first, he sifted through the supplies for first aid setting out what he needed in a methodical manner. His hands finally stilled as he shifted once more to settle on the floor in front of his brother. Once more he found his brother’s gaze and held it. “If you feel your eyes hurt… or burn when I start this… don’t fight it. If it triggers your Sharingan, it will help you see through anything that may be an illusion instead of truth. Do you understand?”

The shift in his eyes, where familiar, pained him slightly. Overuse, exhaustion, and lack of health made it harder each time he went so far… but the pain was negligible. It could be ignored. “I’ll warn you now… that you won’t like much of what you see. I only ask you understand… that you go over everything you learn carefully before you pass judgment on me.”

He didn’t want forgiveness. No. He did. He wanted it more than he ever realized he could.. but he knew he wouldn’t have it and he didn’t deserve it and never would. Breathing in slowly, he began that connection. The sharing of everything he had experienced. From the moment he walked out on the battle field to finding his brother after that fight with Deidara. Itachi left nothing out. He showed his brother everything down to their father’s plans for the coup, his love for his brother and the feelings of guilt each time he forced him to hate him…

And how he wanted Sasuke to be the one to end the lies for him.

[eyes_that_burn]

There was a lifetime in a single moment, laid out like so many cards before him.

Time passage was so different in this space, stretching when it shouldn't have, long and yawning, a bubble instead of a straight line. Things that should have taken years happened in glimpses and felt like decades, so real that he swore he lived it himself. He could smell the acrid smoke and death on the battlefield, bodies strewn from one end to the other as far as he could see. He felt a man -- no, their father -- and his high expectations at his back.

He saw the first meeting of a boy with wavy short hair and the longest eyelashes Sasukee had ever seen. His smile was bright, so bright, and there was a confused warmness about the encounter. He raised his hand and heard a name: Shisui.

He watched those small arms wrapping around a baby and being told that the child was his brother, Sasuke. Love drowned him as a woman --their mother -- watched on with pride. It was momentary, though, because an attack happened, brutal with a beast larger than any building he had known. Kyuubi. Yet, Itachi protected him and tried to console him where there were only tears.

It went fast, darting from day to day, experience to experience. He watched someone die, killed by a man in a mask, saw the moments he joined ANBU. He met Kakashi. He killed. He fought. He listened to meetings and tried to play with Sasuke but he was too busy. He learned with Shisui.

Then the talks came. Rebellion. Shunned. Fighting.

Then...Shisui. Shisui. His own lips formed the name, and it hurt, his brother's pain was through him and he swore his heart was shattered. Shisui. Shisui off the cliff, and he couldn't even mourn. He couldn't, lest the others' see, lest the understand.

Ultimatums came.

And death came on their heels. Blood that soaked streets, that blocked out windows, that fluttered through doors. The death of their parents hurt the worst and the world blurred in tears of remorse and fear as he listened to their request, their understanding, their love. Their mother was first, her hands never making homemade dango for him again. His father second, prideful and unwavering until the end.

Then he came. Sasuke. He stared at the horror on his own face, so innocently and young and mixed with the confusion of the betrayal. Mixed with agony. His eyes burned, a fire, an awakening, and the world looked different in that moment. Remorse. Lies. Desperation. Whatever it took to make the most precious person in the world despise him, hate him, save himself and end this trap.

They would kill him if he didn't follow this role. He had to. He had to.

"St...stop..."

But it didn't stop. The rest was a blur. Akatsuki. A man with blonde hair. A man with blue skin. Killing. Missions. Spying and sending crows back to Konoha with information on the group. There was a run-in at a hotel; Itachi shattered his arm and used...used something on him. He didn't know. Guilt. Remorse. It was drowning him.

"S...stop...."

Coughing up blood. Hunting down a jinchuuriki.

Meeting with the jinchuuriki.

Crows.

Hearing his little brother had died in the fight with the Deidara and the terror that came with it. Remorse. A new remorse, a fear that his brother would die without the satisfaction he deserved, without the ending he deserved. Without understanding how loved he was. His heart ached. He had to find him. He had to--

"STOP!"

And now here, here as it was broken, Sasuke's red-eyes awakened and streaming tears as he scooted back across the bed, ignoring pain, ignoring...everything. He was crying. The pain. The death. He was crying. Too much. This had been a mistake, this had been hell, this had been--

"I...what was that?!"

[sanzengarasu]

His brow furrowed in concern as Sasuke started to react. What he did, showing that much that fast... he hoped that Sasuke wouldn't linger on too much of it too long. Maybe a small part of him hoped that Sasuke would look at the good things. The fact that all of the times Sasuke called him 'niisan' or how he felt when he watched over him. Or how truthful and heart felt each promise to protect him was.

He lived for Sasuke when it would be so much easier to die.

The cries to stop... they were too late. Once he started this, stopping wouldn't be able to happen. And his heart twisted in his chest at the pain he knew his brother felt. Pain he put there. Then it all stopped and both of them were back in the room again. Itachi stayed out of all of that and just let Sasuke see. If he put too much of his current self into that connection it would feel faked or fabricated...

Learning could be and was painful. Just like that moment he stood on the edge of the cliff debating if life had meaning at all if people just wanted to take it away. Sharingan met Sharingan and he could only stay silent as his brother's tears made that feeling of guilt tumble in on him as it did every time. Forgive me, Sasuke...

But he shouldn't. Sasuke shouldn't forgive him. And from the fear in his eyes and the way he ran from him, he realized he honestly never would. The feeling stabbed into his chest with a force beyond even the disease's capabilities. It felt like this was the first time that Sasuke fully and completely broke his heart of his own volition and not because of the play that he put on for him each day. Why did it hurt so badly?

His eyes burned as though they might be on fire and he couldn't do it. He couldn't keep up the Sharingan as the black leaked back into his irises and he felt the wet heat of tears in his own eyes. Lips parted for a moment from the full impact of that shock... it felt like any hope he'd had or belief that if Sasuke knew...

How had he ever been so... foolish.

Before the tears could fall, he lowered his head, staring at his hands as the moisture blurred his fingers into the material of his clothing. His breath shook him and his lungs protested. Lifting a hand, he pressed it to his face and fought with every ounce of what was left of himself to keep his voice unaffected.

Stop scaring him.

"My life." He spoke softly, his head swimming with the memories he dug up and for a moment even the memories he clung to of his brother's smiling face started to blur out.

Itachi wanted to say sorry. He wanted to ask for forgiveness... but he couldn't move. Sasuke was afraid of him even now. "Take your time... sorting through it all. The unfortunate part..." He hated how he couldn't finish a thought without halting almost breathlessly. "Is with the Sharingan, you will never forget any of it."

His legs felt weak when he finally moved, careful not to look at the younger as he turned away. "I should... go buy the items we don't have here." Itachi pushed the emotions down with even less strength and made himself focus on caring for Sasuke first. He could wait. How he felt didn't matter. It never had.

[eyes_that_burn]

Take his time. Take his time. Take his time.

Sorting through it wasn't possible; the complex feelings of emotions, of a lifetime of sacrifices, of pain, of working in death and backroom deals...there was no sorting through it. There was no way to determine what he should do in a matter of moments when this? All of this? Had been put down before him.

Itachi had killed their parents, but their parents had been ready to die. He had killed babies. He had killed the elderly. He had put to death innocents, the defenseless, wiped out a name, an ideal, a legacy.

And he had done it all for him. Him. His brother.

I didn't want this.

Blissful ignorance was lost, and this guilt, this soul-wrenching remorse sat in his chest like a lion, roaring, gnawing, devouring him. The world blurred as more tears leaked from his eyes, running down the length of his jaw and dripping off his chin. There was ...so much pain. So much. For the people who had died.

For the man sitting in front of him.

"I...can." Forget. "I already did once." Which meant there was a way. Did he dare to try to find the way the way back to that blankness? To that nothingness?

No. If Itachi had to suffer, so did he. Running didn't change what happened. Running...solved nothing.

Why am I so special? Why is my life worth all of theirs? Why is it worth your soul?!

The suggestion of going shopping broke him out of the thought. Yeah. Shopping. Sasuke wanted the time to...to think. To be alone and just focus on what it all meant.

"Yeah." He nodded once, before running the back of his hand against his eyes, drying them. "Okay."

And he might not be there when Itachi got back.

[sanzengarasu]

Tears. How many times... had he made Sasuke cry? Running a hand over his face, long fingers snagged in his hair and pulled mercilessly for a moment. His shoulders sank slowly, that suffocating feeling of all he'd done pushing him down harder along with that incessant pain in his lungs. For a moment, breathing felt like one of the hardest tasks in the world. Like maybe any time soon, there would be no next breath.

Someday, that would be true. Especially with Sasuke declaring basically that he wanted to forget. Who wouldn't?

Hesitating, he suddenly leaned against the door and closed his eyes. Resting his forehead on the cool wood, he knew walking out of the room had good and bad repercussions. "Sasuke... I understand that you have the lowest opinion of me right now. I wanted to tell the truth for once in my life. But right now... I need you safe. If you want me gone... let me take you to someone else. Don't go alone."

It broke him. His mind. His heart. Closing his eyes, he shivered from the pain that wracked through him both physical and emotional. "I won't make you stay with me. I want to train you myself... Because I know they'll come for you." His fingers curled against the door, his fingernails scraping the surface sharply. "I don't have much longer... so time with me will be short even then." His voice shook a little as he forced his hand to the doorknob. "It's not how I wanted to die..." But dying from the disease... was better than letting anyone else have that right. "But at least you will be done with me quickly."