Starting over.. (for no_dreams_for_you)

[sanzengarasu]

Many reasons led him here. Konoha may have pardoned his crimes, but things like what he did could not easily be forgotten. Supposedly it was a temporary placement, or rather, displacement until people accepted his presence as a shinobi of the leaf again. Itachi wondered if anyone could forgive and forget. Especially when even he could not. How could he ever forget what his own two hands had done even if it was on orders?

So it was decided that his 'assignment' should be outside of the village and in a diplomatic nature within an allied nation. A notion that led him here to the gates of Sunagakure. Dark eyes rose, tracing the walls of reddish gold, dry wind pulled at his long bangs and clothes reminding him of the doctor's suggestion to be in a drier climate for his lung's sake. That and Naruto's personal request made the choice final... The current Kazekage held true to that alliance and to his friendship with the Kyuubi's jinchuriki. Something that managed to assuage his concerns only slightly, but it was enough.

However, the main reason he agreed was for his brother. Sasuke offered Itachi the chance to travel with him. Every fiber of his being wanted to say yes... but Itachi gave in to reason. Sasuke didn't need the extra burden of a sick brother and traveling on top of possible dangerous combat would only make his illness worse. All of those things weighed heavily on his shoulders and they argued over it at length. Itachi insisted that Sasuke follow the path he chose and if he recovered his health, he would join him someday. The younger left, but made sure Itachi fully felt his displeasure. In the end... he would always put his brother's needs far before his own.

That set heavily and painfully in his heart like a knot in his lungs on top of the dull ache that never went away as long as he took breaths. On impulse, he took a careful, deep breath and marveled at how the drier air didn't seem to feel as thick here and he didn't instantly need to cough as usual. This would work. He would work at being something both Sasuke and Konoha could be proud of... it all started here.

Observing the guard stations, he pulled the scroll with his formal introduction and orders from his cloak. No one mentioned who he would be meeting up with... just that someone would greet him on his arrival. Holding out the scroll to the slightly on edge guard, he bowed in formal greeting. "As requested by the Hokage, I am reporting for my assignment here."

There was a short pause, but the guard finally nodded and asked him to wait there. So he did. Closing his eyes, he instead focused on the feeling of the wind and sound of moving sand in the desert. This would be a new home at least for now... how long had it been since he was even able to stay in one place?

Comments

[no_dreams_for_you]

Fully aware of the impending arrival, Gaara remained in his office until it was nearly time, and then made his way to the entrance. He definitely had doubts, and couldn’t blame his council in this instance, for second guessing his agreement. Why should Suna be held responsible for housing a rogue shinobi, even if he was no longer part of the Akatsuki? And an Uchiha, of all people… especially considering what their family had done to the world, attempting to place everyone under their control.

At the same time, how could he refuse? Being asked a favor from one of his precious people, who once believed in him, even when he was a monster. Granted, Naruto hadn’t disclosed everything to him about Itachi Uchiha’s crimes and capabilities, and neither did Kakashi, but that was their right. Every village had their secrets, things that they needed to protect; despite being allies, it wouldn’t be wise to reveal too much information to the outside. Itachi needed a place to heal from his injuries and restore himself… and they couldn’t trust the other villages. Out of all of them, Konoha and Suna shared the strongest alliance. In a sense, it was an honor to be entrusted with something so important to the Leaf.

Kankuro still objected to it, but without Temari here to back him up, it was easier to refuse his advice. Gaara didn’t like to pull rank on his own brother, and only did it during times of necessity. After years of observing his father’s leadership, and serving the village as Kazekage now, Gaara understood the difficulties of politics interfering with family needs. No wonder his father had behaved the way that he did… even though some of his acts were very hard to forgive. He didn’t fully forgive him, or Yashamaru, but needed to turn away from the painful memories. His mother, bless her soul, was the true light in his life, and he would try his best to honor her.

At the advisement of his bodyguards – including his brother – Gaara remained behind the line of patrol, awaiting their new arrival. He could easily sense Itachi approaching, having sent out some of his sand to detect his footsteps. His sand remained docile, deceptively so, as to not give away their presence. When a guard approached him with the assignment scroll, he accepted it and gave the order to allow Itachi entrance into their village. The air was tense, as though they expected the former Akatsuki member to initiate an attack. Well… at least it wasn’t Deidara or Sasori requesting to take refuge here. They would have been killed on sight.

While it might have been prudent to give him a formal greeting, Gaara merely nodded to acknowledge his presence, and then turned to lead. They began walking back toward his administration building, with many of his villagers watching on in curiosity. Most of the civilians wouldn’t know who this stranger was, since they had minimal involvement in shinobi matters.

He guided Itachi to a door inside the building, and his first command was delivered in a cool, formal tone; “My medical shinobi will examine you and assess your condition. You will report to my office afterward.”

[sanzengarasu]

Living as he had for so long, the idea of being watched stirred no new emotion in him. Whether the ones watching were Konoha's Anbu or Suna's Kazekage, Itachi only noted it in the back of his mind. Nothing felt threatening. He felt no need to tense and knew if he did, that signified guilt of some sort. For the first time in his life, he simply wanted to live and not worry about slipping up in that cold persona and just being himself.

Even if he wondered if he would ever get that chance.

Lowering his eyes to the sand beneath his feet, he recalled the information the Akatsuki passed on about Suna's leader. He replayed that event of holding Naruto and the others back from saving him and felt a sudden pang of guilt. Letting out a slow breath, he felt the tug of apprehension on his mind but gently pushed it away as he normally did. What he did that day he had to do. Konoha needed the information and he needed to know what the true goal of the Akatsuki had been. For being a part of the group, very little of the true plan had been shared with him. They were very smart in that.

Moving his gaze to the cloudless sky, he waited silently while ignoring the gazes on him. Being in the shadows for so long, made being the focus of attention strange. His gaze fell to the gate once more as the same Shinobi nodded to him and granted admittance. Moving forward once more, he tilted his head just a little as he realized just who came to meet him.

Without thinking about it, he crossed his right arm over his chest to press the customary fist to his heart as he bowed just slightly in response to that nod. Itachi didn't expect a warm welcome, but his own respectful nature made sure that he got at least that greeting in. This he preferred. Quick. To the point. Too many politicians and leaders liked to talk.

Falling into step behind the younger, he kept his gate relaxed and moved easily even though he felt tired. Exhausted beyond anything anyone could imagine. Mentally and physically. Not that it showed. He never let that show. Turning his head to regard Gaara, he only nodded once. "As you wish."

Not that he liked doctors. He felt like they all told him the same thing. All they could do was stretch out his life a little longer. And right now, they only reason he had to bother with it was because his brother would be broken if he gave up.

Glancing at the body guards with him, he returned his gaze to the Kazekage. "Will they show me the way?" Both an honest question as well as his way of telling the other he understood. He expected no less than distrust.

[no_dreams_for_you]

Distrust was certainly correct. Itachi had committed his own share of sins against the Sand, and while not everyone knew about his role, Gaara did. The Leaf had given him a full report on that particular mission, before it was sealed away from the public eye. (His death and resurrection were only disclosed to a few individuals, for the sake of protecting Suna’s reputation and status.) Though Gaara believed what Naruto and Kakashi told him, he stopped being so foolishly trusting, years ago. Every privilege Itachi wanted in this village, would have to be earned. He wouldn’t receive the treatment of an honored guest.

Not that Gaara intended to have him regarded as a traitor, per se. Itachi wasn’t going to be locked up and made to stand trial, even though some of the Suna shinobi probably thought he should. In their eyes, most of the enemies had been eliminated during the war, save two glaringly obvious perpetrators. It seemed like both would be pardoned without suffering the consequences that they deserved. Such were the whispers that ran through the grapevine, and Gaara hadn’t addressed them just yet. He didn’t want to declare anything prematurely. He would need to observe the former Akatsuki member, and see where his loyalties now lied.

The humble gesture surprised him a bit, in all honesty. He didn’t expect Itachi to express any respect, and it didn’t matter to him, either way. One war wasn’t going to instantly change everyone’s minds on how they saw him: a seventeen-year-old leader that lacked the experience and wisdom to perform his duty. Regardless, it didn’t sound like Itachi intended to disobey him. Perhaps he was trying to prove himself to his village, when they asked for a report on his behavior.

“Yes,” he replied, issuing an order to those guards with that single word. Turning off down a different hallway, his parting words were, “You are all dismissed.”

The scroll was the first thing he read, upon returning to his office. A personal letter was included in it, from Naruto. The ghost of a smile flickered over his expression as he read it, and then made a mental note to respond, when he had spare time to write. The official document, however, gave him pause. He wasn’t perturbed by their request to help Itachi heal from his injuries. Their villages were collaborating in the instruction of healing arts, and it would benefit his shinobi to gain more practical application.

But this arrangement was indefinite for now… and evidently, he would receive payment from the Leaf as compensation. He was given free rein to use Itachi in whatever capacity he saw fit, including assigning him missions to benefit the Sand. Hmph… was he even capable of completing them, in his current state? It would depend on the findings of his medical shinobi.

While waiting for the examination to finish, Gaara continued to make arrangements. Itachi would need a place to stay, and his safety was… his responsibility to ensure. Even unspoken, he could tell the man was fatigued from his travels. Venturing across the vast desert would tax the strength of any shinobi that was unused to the harsh terrain. It would do little good to force him through more strenuous activities so soon.

[sanzengarasu]

Upon the order, he simply looked to the guards and waited. They moved quickly at Gaara's command and he knew he had their respect. It made him recall what he had told Naruto about being Hokage and just how close these two must have been. Not that he understood all of how decisions were made in Suna, but from his traveling and personal observances, it seemed that Sunagakure had a leader that the people recognized.

Moving with the guards, he felt a little like a spectacle with so many on lookers that gathered around him. They said nothing he'd not heard before. In fact, the only news that still seemed odd to hear entailed how the disease seemed to be in some sort of remission. Probably from his pulling back from fighting. Or maybe even near death experience. Whatever the case, he only answered questions that were asked in a methodical fashion with only the information that was needed.

When they made the report, it detailed out his problems. Microscopic Polyangitis. He remembered the first time he heard the word and had them explain it to him. An auto-immune illness and as far as he was concerned, his own body killing him slowly. When they finally wrote up the symptoms and the current status on his health, the medical nin seemed to stop and just stare for a while. He knew what they wanted to ask. They wanted to know how he kept fighting in this current state. But in the end, they held their silence and sent him and his escort to Gaara.

Standing outside the door to the Kazekage's office, he still wondered why they were bothering with interrupting their leader with something as insignificant as himself and finally decided it had more to do with safety. Not really himself. When Kakashi sat him down to discuss this, he agreed to the terms. He would serve Suna as though it were his own village. He would accept tasks and earn his right to be there. His former captain and now Hokage had hesitated a moment after his acceptance. Then reminded him again that much of the trust between them weighed on Itachi. And the man almost looked... sorry?

When the doors open, they entered inside, the shinobi in his company announcing their arrival in short order. Dark eyes found the red-head behind his desk and made note of each detail. His posture and features as well as the smooth features that betrayed little to no emotions. Much like his own. For a moment, he truly wondered why someone so young had to bear that expression.

Another product of the Shinobi world.

But that all would change. Or so they all hoped with this new alliance and peace. Stepping forward without thinking about it, he slipped down to one knee as he had so many years ago to the Hokage and bowed his head. "I am Uchiha Itachi of the Leaf. I am yours to command." Without question, on the honor of his village...

Lifting his head, he looked at him once more. "I will answer any questions you might have. If you respect that some answers can't be given with too many to hear, I request you ask them after you have found trust enough to let me inform you without so many present." Because these were not just his secrets. They were the secrets of Konoha. And if Kakashi and Naruto trusted Gaara, so would he. But only him.

[no_dreams_for_you]

Their expected return had the redhead looking up with mild interest. He set down the pen, and took the report with a slight nod. His eyes briefly skimmed over it, picking up the main points of the examination. Evidently, they had discovered what Itachi possessed. Gaara wasn’t an expert on illnesses by any stretch of the imagination, but he had studied various ones when he was younger. It had been a sick fascination for him, figuring out the weaknesses in a human’s body. Some, he could exploit. Others, he filed away for mental torment, should he ever desire interrogating an enemy party.

Not such a mysterious illness, after all. If the late Elder Chiyo was still alive, Gaara would have sought her medical opinion on how to treat a patient with his condition. For the time being, he would rely on the expertise of his medical shinobi, and advise them to seek more information. They could even ask Sakura Haruno of the Leaf, if it became necessary. But if they could find a way to cure it, or at the very least, lengthen his lifespan, perhaps that would fulfill the Leaf’s request.

For a short moment, he looked up at Itachi, steadily meeting his eyes. It was obvious that he concealed his true thoughts, and wasn’t behaving like his normal self… whatever that happened to be. Gaara couldn’t read him as easily he did his younger brother, but he had quite a bit of history and incidental interaction with Sasuke Uchiha. How alike were they? He didn’t sense the menacing malice that was clearly evident in Sasuke, but that didn’t mean he should let his guard down, either.

His lips pressed together as he regarded him silently. Was this for show, so that his shinobi could bear witness to his performance? But then, Itachi was requesting that certain information be exchanged in private, with just the two of them as audience. It was reasonable, even if his shinobi were curious and might have wanted to eavesdrop, for reasons that went beyond loyalty to their leader. He certainly had questions lingering within his mind, and intended to hold Itachi to his word, but he wasn’t completely cruel. He had his role to play, when it came to certain aspects.

“In your current condition, you will serve little use,” he stated coolly. One of his guards stared at Itachi with clear disdain, and Gaara wordlessly warned him to stand down. A flicker of sympathy and concern passed through his expression, before fading away. Whether or not Itachi caught sight of it, would only bear significance toward his observational skills.

“You have been assigned to residential quarters, for the duration of your stay.” Lifting up a single sheet of paper, he extended it toward one of the guards – a map to the room, since they would need to lead him there. “Food and water will be brought to you in an hour. If you have need of any other items, inform the shinobi standing guard outside your room. We will convene tomorrow morning, at seven.”

[sanzengarasu]

Something about that fleeting look of sympathy made his body tense. Even if it wasn't meant to be seen, Itachi caught it. Even without activated Sharingan he had always been the keenest observer. Very little escaped his notice... even when he wished it would. And the idea of pity for his condition only made something already raw in his chest pain sharper.

Slowly rising to his feet, he carefully trained all of the emotion out of his face until all that remained was the cool gaze and the soft tone of his baritone voice. "Forgive my rudeness, Kazekage-sama, but I hope you won't view my... condition... as a hindrance to my usefulness." They all failed to realize just how long he'd lived through this.

Even still, he wouldn't boast. He could claim that even ill he could best all of the guards assigned to him. He could likely even do it without using the Sharingan at all. But that's not what he wanted to prove. No, the upset stemmed more from feeling useless and treated as such.

Instead of adding anymore to his remarks, he bowed his head in acknowledgement to his 'orders'. Well, he couldn't truly expect less than house arrest. Pausing, he looked back at the younger, "May I ask if I am allowed to train daily or will I be required to stay indoors when not called on?" The question was honest. He would respect those wishes even if he knew sitting inside a room all day would make it harder.

[no_dreams_for_you]

It was misunderstood, but that wasn’t Itachi’s fault. Gaara was limited in what he could say, with the other shinobi around. He didn’t feel pity toward the man for his illness, the same way he didn’t feel pity toward Sasuke for losing his arm. A true shinobi would use such hindrances as motivation to push past it and grow even stronger, in spite of it. As a prodigy of the Leaf, he doubted Itachi would sit back and allow himself to become weak and helpless. At the same time, he wouldn’t send Itachi out on missions until he had assessed his current capacity in combat and reconnaissance.

Gaara smirked slightly, just a quirk of the corner of his lips. “It would be foolish of me to underestimate your capabilities.” It wasn’t a mistake he made toward anyone, regardless of age, gender, rank, health, or otherwise.

And he didn’t consider his remark rude at all. He preferred it when people were blunt, seeing as most shinobi hid behind their veil of words. That saved him the trouble of having to read between the lines and decipher their true meaning, in a world commonly filled with deception. But really, pride aside, Itachi did need to rest. He wasn’t going to behave stubbornly and turn that into an order, was he?

He nodded, as though fully expecting that question. “You are permitted to train outdoors, so long as you maintain distance from the Ninja Academy.”

Children that young and inexperienced might not understand why Itachi was allowed to stay in the village. They might even try to attack him, and it would cause a great deal of unrest and distrust amongst the other shinobi. Gaara didn’t ask permission, but he fully intended to watch him during a few training sessions. Assigning Itachi to missions was his prerogative, and he wasn’t going to set him up to fail.

[sanzengarasu]

Angling his head, he waited for that response. A response that managed to ease some of the tension that had built up along his spine. Letting out the breath he'd not realized he held, he closed his eyes for a moment.

Good. This he understood. Never under estimate your opponent. And right now, that must be all he seemed to any of the Shinobi of Suna. And in spite of himself, the corners of his lips lifted in the smallest hint of a smile. Because this way of thinking, was his own. And for a brief moment, he met Gaara's gaze and something eased in his own eyes as the understanding was conveyed. Never judge any shinobi simply by their appearance or even their preferences.

And that look also offered his gratitude. A rare expression that broke the icy repose of a mask long worn for all the world to see. He no longer needed to be that person. The merciless Itachi of the Sharingan. No, he needed to remember who he used to be before that. However, retreating behind the stoic facade proved easier for now.

"I understand." The exception to the rule made him curious. Was it out of fear for the children's safety? The thought made a flicker of something like sadness flit through his gaze and just as quickly disappear. Killing children... that had never been done again after that night. And for a moment he worried that he might give way... break right under their gazes as he pushed back the curse of an eidetic memory that never failed to show him exactly what he was guilty of. "I would be willing to train in remote areas if that would make everyone more comfortable with my presence."

Itachi had no illusions about what he was to them all. A criminal. Or a spy that may as well have been a criminal.

Hesitating a moment, he reached up and swept his bangs behind one ear in one of the few habits he picked up and kept over the years. One that showed up either from practicality from long hair or simply because something put him on edge and even the feel of his hair against his face set off a spiderweb of nervous reaction against his skin. Because, what he wanted to offer... really didn't set well with him after years of being secretive and hidden away. "I have no issues if you wish to observe. Nor do I have issue if you wish to test me. I leave that to your discretion."

[no_dreams_for_you]

It wasn’t only his villagers’ safety that he had to think of, but also Itachi’s. There was also the alliance to keep in consideration, how it would look to the Leaf if their representative, so to speak, was harmed without merit. It was too early to care for his life as an ally. Really, his current standing was just above that of a prisoner, if they had to place a label on it. Given the crimes he had committed… if the Sand villagers thought Gaara to be a monster, they would see him in a similar fashion, without a doubt…

The gratitude was acknowledged without words. The next matter was swiftly addressed; “It would be prudent, for your own safety.”

Since fire techniques weren’t used by the shinobi of this country, they would look upon Itachi with great suspicion. Even if they didn’t know about his former affiliation with the Akatsuki, they would most likely consider him an enemy of the Sand. It went without saying that Gaara would be monitoring wherever he went, to ensure that he maintained sufficient distance. He could deliver messages over a long range with his sand, and warn Itachi if he was close to breaching those set boundaries.

The smirk on his expression became a bit more prominent as he replied, “I intend to. Your permission isn’t required.”

(If the Tsuchikage was within hearing range of this conversation, he would surely accuse Gaara of being rude again.)

His tone abruptly hardened as he demanded, “Now, rest.”

With that dismissal, his attention returned to the report in his hands. He had a long night ahead of him, especially if he was going to spend additional time observing Itachi, during the day. Hopefully, his presence wouldn’t cause too much conflict and grievance. The council was still difficult to deal with, even after the outcome of the war.

I am soooo sorry for the novel. x_x

[sanzengarasu]

The mention of his own safety gave him pause. In truth, he had no illusion about any care for his person outside of the medical. He figured the guards were to keep him in line and not for them to keep others away. Not that he would deny the Kazekage of either side of that coin. It simply, surprised him a little.

Then he found his posture straightening at that response to his offer. The words seemed oddly unlike a Kage, but at the same time, they did. Lashes lowered slowly in a resigned fashion to the constraints he would now live. It reminded him of an invisible cage with bars he wouldn’t feel until he tried to spread his wings. Something he deserved.

“Aa.” He bowed his head at the order and turned on his heel. Sending the guard a glance, the other moved allowing him to follow. As they moved out of the office and into the halls, he made sure his eyes didn’t shift away from straight ahead and relied heavily on his peripheral vision to get him a good idea of his surroundings. Wandering eyes made people nervous. He knew that and accommodated it for his hosts, whether willing to have him there or not. Itachi couldn’t blame them for any ill feelings or lingering stares of distrust. Having their strongest ally and the Kazekage’s closest friend make such a request really left them with no choice at all.

The murmurs that followed in their wake didn’t elude him. He could hear most of the curious remarks and some even irritated or inflammatory. But he didn’t react. All of it slid off of him easily leaving no mark of ever hitting him. Except, it did affect him. It weighed heavily on his chest and pulled sharply at the edges of his heart as he realized what he was up against. It was… so much harder to live a normal life in a way.

Entering his assigned quarters, he quietly gave his thanks to his escorts and stepped inside. Setting his things down on the bed, he looked at the sparse room and realized it was as empty as the small pack with his belongings that only included some weapons and scrolls as well as clothes for sleeping. Nothing else. He never had means to keep anything before… and if you dug deeply enough, one might even find the old frayed photo of he and his brother from years ago that once hung in his locker at age thirteen.

For once, he could pull it out and stare at it quietly without fear of anyone noticing or thinking anything of it. For once he didn’t have to consider what repercussions it would have on his brother’s life or his own as a spy. Tracing the edges softly, he set it down on the small night stand by the bed then moved to the window. Sliding onto the ledge he stared out into the drawing twilight over Suna in silence. Only the sound of circling crows overhead could be heard shattering the approaching evening. So, the murder followed him all the way here.

Red bled from his pupils as they shifted and disfigured to form the Sharingan until he could see them far more clearly. One of them dropped in altitude and slowed as he reached out a hand to let it land on his forearm. Sleek black feathers fluffed and ruffled softly as it settled with a low rattling sound of affection. His other hand rose to smooth through the feathers while he shifted foot into the window that pressed his knee to his chest. Only then did the crow hop from his arm to the top of his knee lightly.

“Are you ready for life in the desert?” The slender head turned until an onyx eye met his own almost curiously. “It is quite a change. You don’t have to stay here.” The bird croaked softly at him and settled further until one foot lifted to disappear in oil slick black feathers. Soon the head would turn and bury the long beak into the feathers on his back as he slept. Night was coming. He should sleep as well.

Instead, he sat there completely still as he rested his head on the window sill and stared into the approaching darkness. The weight of exhaustion hit him hard, but his mind refused to shut down and rest. There would be no rest. Only nightmares. Endless nightmares and the chance of waking up coughing or with a start from being unable to escape the world of his subconscious. “If I sleep… wake me.” His tone lilted softly as he drew his eyes to the crow who simply wiggled its head to bury his beak deeper into the feathers.

Even if it seemed as though he was being ignored… the bird would do as he asked. It would warn him of incoming people or any threats. That’s what crows did in a murder. They slept lightly and warned each other of such things. Just as he would for them. Only, his warning was going unheeded.

Closing his eyes, he drifted in and out of sleep there, balanced precariously on the ledge. He only moved once when the door was opened to bring his food… and even though he knew he should eat, he ignored it even if he thanked them for it. If their eyes lingered curiously on the bird, they said nothing before stepping out again. In that strange silence with the sound of the wind endlessly rushing through the streets, he managed to drift off not thinking about the way the temperature would drop so low or that he should move.

And perhaps that lack of need to be aware at all times was why he didn’t wake right away. Why he missed the first signs of the sun and only woke when the nightmares got to be too much and the cold air poured like acid over his lungs and forced him awake coughing in such a fit the bird cawed sharply breaking through his conscious mind and thrusted him back into the waking world with ghosts of the dead lingering in his eyes. His body felt stiff and sore, but his lungs ached from the coughing that managed to pull that coppery tang to his tongue. Swiping with a black sleeve at his mouth, he ignored the stain of blood on his fingers. Turning his gaze to the door, he noted the missing tray and its replacement with that feeling that this would come back to haunt him later.

D: too much oh no

[no_dreams_for_you]

Of course, their “guest” was watched, and by more than just the escorts outside the room. Not throughout the entire night, but Gaara would check in on him every so often, between reading and signing scrolls in his office. The picture was the first thing he noticed; it reminded him of a photograph that he saw in Naruto’s possession, a few times. It consisted of the former Team 7, before Sasuke defected from the village. Gaara himself still had a picture of his mother, framed and kept in pristine condition so that it wouldn’t risk getting damaged. So… the ties of family ran strongly between them as well, in spite of the betrayal and years of separation. How intriguing.

Watching the crow fly over, his first thought was to wonder if Itachi intended to send a letter to someone. And if so, was it addressed to an ally, or enemy? Most villages utilized messenger hawks, but other types of birds could certainly be trained to carry out the same task. Their interaction was both curious and confusing. Did Itachi consider the crow a pet? He hadn’t summoned it through the usual means, after all. Temari had a wind weasel that she favored, but didn’t treat it like anything more than a temporary battle companion. Perhaps Itachi was… feeling lonely, isolated in a village that wasn’t his home. If he truly had one, at this point.

When he appeared to be retiring for bed, Gaara disbanded his spying jutsu, intending to resume his observations later. There were other duties to attend to, and even though he had gone back to not sleeping every night, he still needed to rest. He and Shukaku held a more amicable bond this time around, though they wouldn’t exactly label each other as friends. The devious tailed beast hadn’t lost his lustful appetites during the extraction, and there were times where they didn’t see eye-to-eye on certain subjects. Full moon nights continued to be a struggle for the young host, when Shukaku wanted to indulge, and didn’t really care at whose expense.

It wasn’t until he was sitting in bed, starting to read a book, that he activated his Third Eye again. He felt faint irritation that Itachi didn’t eat the food before falling asleep. Even if he happened to be exhausted enough to sleep deeply, his body still needed nourishment to function. What was it about Uchiha men that made them so against the idea of looking after themselves? Waste was also frowned down upon, in a village where resources were very scarce. His night seemed restless, from the way his eyelids kept fluttering, and the subtle movements within his slumber. If his mind was heavily preoccupied, that would be understandable, considering the circumstances.

At one point, Gaara stopped the technique and closed his own eyes, maintaining a quiet environment for both body and mind. He rose out of bed at dawn, greeting the early light that chased away another bleak night of loneliness. They were supposed to meet at seven, but he wasn’t entirely sure if Itachi would wake up in time, or be fully aware of his surroundings. Regardless, the redhead cleansed and dressed himself before heading into his office, and closing the door behind him in privacy. The majority of the staff didn’t report for duty until a couple of hours later, so he had some time to himself to review the day’s agenda.

XD I'm sorry! I sometimes go on and on..

[sanzengarasu]

Rubbing at his face, he carefully avoided letting the blood touch his face. For as stiff as he felt, he still fluidly slid from the window sill and moved toward the bathroom. A few more crows had landed in his vacated spot, the keen eyes watching him curiously as he washed away the sanguine fluid from his skin. Once it was gone, he started to clean up better as well, trying to smooth away most of the unrest from nights of nightmares and poor memories.

Straightening up, he finally sat on the bed with the food tray before him. He would have to apologize to them later for neglecting dinner. Where his appetite was slim, he shouldn't be such an ingrate when someone made the effort for him. It took longer to eat than he thought, and it occurred to him that he should ask them to put less food next time. At least until he felt more capable of eating more.

Cleaning up the mess, he didn't respond to the flutter of feathers before a slight weight landed on his shoulder. Glancing at the bird, he hesitated a moment then arched a brow. "You need to learn to hunt here if you plan to stay." A rattling sound answered almost like a peeved teenager being refused a snack. "Go on." After a sharp shake of feathers, the crow took off and flew out of the window taking the rest of those sitting on the sill with it.

Opening the door, he looked to the disgruntled guards and bowed his head as he offered the tray. "Forgive me for forgetting to eat last night. Thank you for the food." The startled look he received was ignored as he added softer. "It's okay to bring me less. I don't... eat that much." Without waiting for an answer, he looked to the other guard. "I believe the Kazekage wished to see me this morning."

Even if he slept longer than planned, it was still early enough to make it in time. The Shinobi nodded instantly and motioned for him to follow. As they walked, Itachi coiled a hair tie around his fingers before collecting and smoothing his hair back carefully. Nimbly pulling it into the tie, he used the familiar motions as a bit of a distraction. It kept him from paying attention to the stares or the whispers even if there were fewer due to not as many up and about just yet.

When they finally reached the door, he angled his head curiously when the guards moved aside leaving him to request entry on his own. Looking back to the door, he reached up and knocked on it lightly. From the position of the sun, he could tell that it was close to seven if not a few minutes after. He forced himself to move this morning, but the possibility he might still be late made him lower his eyes.

Finally he shook his head and cleared his throat. "Kazekage-sama... I am reporting as you asked."

that's ok! i can't match, sadly /o\

[no_dreams_for_you]

Instead of responding verbally, he opened the door with a small tendril of sand, then quickly called it back into his gourd. The look that he gave to Itachi told him to close it, once he stepped into the room. Now that they were alone, his demeanor was a little different. Not as stern or sharp, without the need to act a certain way in front of an audience. It didn’t mean he would let his guard down, but brandishing a cold exterior seemed to be habitual for the leaders of this village.

“It is foolish to deprive yourself of sustenance,” came his blunt reply, and Gaara didn’t bother providing an explanation for how he knew. Leave it up to Itachi to ponder on that. Never mind the fact that the redhead himself didn’t always eat as frequently as he should. His siblings nagged him constantly on how he should take better care of himself. It wasn’t like he watched the clock all day, idly waiting for mealtimes to arrive.

His expression didn’t completely match his words, however. A diminished appetite could be a part of his condition. His gaze ran over the opposite form, calmly inspecting him. Honestly, he didn’t look much better than the previous day, after traveling through the desert. It was as though he hadn’t slept at all. For someone that had been an insomniac almost his entire life, Gaara could somewhat relate to that factor, despite his being self-induced.

“Tell me the details Kakashi provided you, with regards to this mission. Naruto as well, if the two of you interacted.”

Well, he had offered, and requested to divulge information when they were alone. No time like the present to start asking questions. Gaara lifted the teacup to his lips and patiently waited for his response.

Not a worry at all! Itachi just thinks too much. XD

[sanzengarasu]

The sudden opening of the door didn't really surprise him. Without a second thought, he stepped through the door and followed the voiceless command to close the door behind him. No matter how strange it seemed that Gaara trusted him enough already to meet alone, he would not deny the command. Returning his dark eyes to the younger, he kept the distance respectably long between them. He knew that the one-tail jinchuriki was strong. But he wondered also if Gaara knew about what an Uchiha could do to a tailed beast with the Mangekyou. Would he be so receptive or assured then?

Letting that thought slip away, his eyes ran over the other once more evaluating him and seeing what he normally wouldn't see when others were present. The strange notion that Gaara seemed more human like this tickled at his thoughts, but he ignored it. And that blunt comment triggered a few thoughts. He might have been watched or they reported his behavior. Neither of which surprised him in the least. Therefore, his expression didn't change. The serene detached look stayed on his face as his eyes slid away from the Kazekage to look out the windows at the city below. The view was... for lack of a better word, impressive. "I regret wasting the food." Bowing his head, he added softly. "It was not my intent to be rude, I sometimes have troubles eating after exerting myself." Eating caused unnecessary pressure against his lungs and that meant coughing. That led to other problems.

Straightening at that order, he snapped his full attention back to the redhead, his expression still smooth and unfaltering. "In order to give you a full understanding of why they made the decision to send me here, I would have to start back to the reason why I slayed my entire clan when I was thirteen." He said it almost like a machine, utterly devoid of feeling. "And because I know that you are trusted by both Kakashi-sama and Naruto-kun, I will do my best to explain it. None of it can ever be written down."

Itachi felt like he wanted to look anywhere but Gaara's eyes. The blue green hue was both pulling as well as unsettling. Maybe not because of the man himself, but because of his own conscience devouring him. "Times were different then. The Sand and the Leaf were not close as they are now. None of the Shinobi world was. My father... my clan... was unsettled with the treatment they were receiving." Itachi hesitated, his brow suddenly furrowing sharply and his eyes slipped away to the side before he closed them. One hand rose and fingertips pressed against the arch of each slender brow before he straightened again. The flashes of those nightmares burned at his retina almost super imposing over the person in front of him as he spoke. "They wanted to over throw the current Konoha leadership and stage a coupd'etat. Both sides set me up as... a spy to the other."

Gaara didn't need the long version. His feelings didn't matter in this. All that mattered was why he would and never could be fully accepted by the village he loved ever again. "I chose the Leaf. If my clan started a coup, other nations would have taken advantage of the civil war and far more would have died. I made a choice from the options given to me. Die with my clan... or save my brother and slay the clan as a criminal. I joined Akatsuki as a spy for Konoha following that night. Now, only you, Kakashi-sama, Naruto-kun, my brother and a few of the elders of the village know the truth. It was decided that staying in Konoha was not wise when too many still remember what happened." His eyes seemed to soften, almost darken with the weight of his thoughts. "They remember the lie I created. The lie I lived. Naruto-kun is the real reason I am here. Because he knows the truth... and he knows my brother will leave if I am abandoned." The idea that any of this may even be for him had not occurred to him and it likely never would.

"Are there specifics that you wish to know?" He didn't want to answer anything else. Itachi hadn't actually spoken the truth ever. To do so now... felt a little like pouring salt on a wound that never healed and festered with infection.

give that brain a rest ;D

[no_dreams_for_you]

Ah, but it wasn’t that he trusted him enough to be alone in his presence. Consider it a test, and a chance to observe him behind closed doors, when no one else was around to affect their behaviors. His strength didn’t fully come from the one-tail, anyway. His actions during the war should have been proof enough. He didn’t need Shukaku to hold his own in a fight. He had every intention of killing Sasuke at the Kage Summit, but the coward fled the scene. Now that the war had ended, Gaara didn’t feel as strongly compelled to end Uchiha’s life – mostly at Naruto’s behest. He still considered him a traitor to his own village, and felt indifferent toward his existence, at best.

Again, he was reminded of how strange it felt to receive those respectful gestures. There was little need to put on a performance, in the absence of curious eyes. Maybe he was attempting to gain his trust. While taking in his answer, Gaara’s brows furrowed, briefly. If he didn’t feel like eating, then at the very least, he needed to stay hydrated. The Sand medical shinobi could speak to Itachi about his dietary needs. The desert environment could be very unforgiving to people that were inadequately prepared. Water and life were much more abundant in the green forests of Konoha, not that Itachi had lived there recently.

“......”

Gaara folded his hands and casually tucked them under his chin, gaze intently set. He could agree to those terms. Whatever knowledge he gained from this discussion, he didn’t want to cause unnecessary trouble for Kakashi or Naruto. His expression scarcely changed; it seemed like what he was hearing, didn’t even bother him. Though not as severe as the Mist, Suna had conducted their share of harsh ninja training, in past years. Murder wasn’t a concept that perturbed him… especially considering his own background.

“You were spying on Konoha… to whose benefit?” The leader of the Akatsuki had turned out to be Obito Uchiha, who didn’t have any qualms with destroying the Leaf. It was consistent with Itachi’s claim, based on what he had heard of relations between Konoha’s leadership, and the Uchiha clan. Making them the village’s police force wasn’t exactly an honorable profession, when they probably expected to be treated like elite shinobi.

“If that is truly the case, then Uchiha would no doubt infiltrate my village, in order to find you,” he remarked in a dry tone. He really didn’t want to get into another fight with Sasuke, over something so trivial. It also begged the question as to why Itachi didn’t decide to travel with him. They both needed to prove themselves to the Leaf, after all.

As for specifics, he didn’t intend to pry for any gruesome details, but he did wonder, "The truth is still concealed. Why is that?” Perhaps for Sasuke’s sake, even though he had already damaged his own reputation by defecting. If the truth was never revealed, then Itachi would always be viewed as a traitor to his clan. How were the Leaf villagers expected to ever forgive his crimes?

He needs to. XD Give us both one.

[sanzengarasu]

"I was not spying on Konoha." His voice softened, his eyes closing as the tiredness settled into his lungs. "My father wanted me in the Anbu so I could give him information. I only gave him things that served him no purpose." And what he did give that bordered on important was never enough for his father to use. Opening his eyes slowly, he looked at Gaara without flinching. "My family was not above any means... even using me. Or using Naruto-kun to get the Kyuubi. My father planned to release the Kyuubi and have it result in Naruto's death... using the Mangekyou to control the beast and destroy the opposition."

That plan. That revelation that Fugaku shared with him, had broken something inside of Itachi. The adoration and respect he'd so desperately sought out shattered right then. Naruto... he was Sasuke's age. What did such a small child do to deserve something like that? Why did any child in the village deserve it? In the end, he did betray his clan utterly and completely.

Taking a slow breath, he arched a brow at that strange concern stated so dryly. "I told Sasuke I chose my own path. I told him to follow his." Angling his head, he felt the emptiness once again as he remembered pushing his brother away. "He knows where I am. I told him I was coming here to recover. He knows that the doctors say a drier climate will give my lungs a chance to heal. Sasuke would not want me to suffer further and he doesn't trust Konoha directly to care for me." In fact, the younger did't trust anyone with his care. Slipping his gaze to meet blue-green, he stated very solemnly. "I would never allow him to hurt anyone else on my account. Never again. Even if I have to stand between him and his target. But... I believe he understands. I know few feel this way, but I do have faith in my brother now."

The truth. The truth always made him frown in distaste. No choice he'd ever been given was fair. It was one evil or the other. "I chose the life of a criminal so the Uchiha name would not be sullied. So Sasuke could grow up without the shadow of sins from my clan. Now... that name is already blackened. You are right... there is no point now if that is what you believe. But knowing the truth and accepting it are two different things. People need a monster to slay. Something tangible to blame. For now, I am that monster. Sasuke is their savior, I am just a shadow of the past." The village would still turn their ire on him just for something to blame.

"Kazekage-sama... I don't do what I do to be noticed or honored. I do it because no one else should have to. I chose to walk in the darkness and protect my village from the shadows at the price of my freedom and... myself. I would not change that decision. I will protect them even if they hate and despise me. I will protect you and your village for the same reason. You are now part of Konoha. A tie that must not be severed if peace is ever to hold. I would die for that purpose." His tone weighed heavily in the air. The utter sincerity and hardness in his resolve would not be shaken. Itachi was one man. One Shinobi. He would die to protect all of it. "I don't expect you to trust me. But I hope in time I can prove myself in actions and not just empty words."

shoo, go sleep :|

[no_dreams_for_you]

His gaze lowered thoughtfully, upon realizing the similarities between their fathers. The Fourth Kazekage had essentially done the same, by sending his children off to the Chunin exam, with the purpose of invading Konoha. If he had the means to infiltrate their council or ANBU ranks, he would have undoubtedly done so. It just happened that his children were either too inexperienced, or crazy, and thereby incapable of carrying out his plan. Yashamaru would have been a good fit for the role, if he were alive at the time.

What Itachi did had not only saved the lives of countless Leaf civilians and shinobi, but also Naruto’s. Without Naruto, this world would have succumbed to darkness. Gaara pursed his lips slightly, finding it ironic that he should feel any inkling of gratitude toward a former enemy of his village. Well, he certainly didn’t intend on voicing it. He was hesitant, and rightfully so, about softening toward a member of the Uchiha clan. Itachi was different from all of them, even Sasuke, but he wouldn’t earn his trust that easily. He still needed to prove his loyalties, like he had claimed, when he knelt in front of the Kazekage.

“Naruto believes in him,” he chimed in softly, “He never stopped.”

It was one of the things he and Naruto didn’t see eye-to-eye on. He had warned him, back in the Iron Country, about defying the ties of friendship with a traitor, someone lost to the darkness. Even today, Gaara wouldn’t hesitate to kill Sasuke, if it meant preserving Naruto’s safety, or to protect one of their allies. Speaking of allies… he wondered why Itachi was so intent on maintaining their alliance. Why did it matter this much to him? Was it because their villages had fought so hard in the war? But everyone did – all five Hidden Villages, along with the Iron Country.

He must be missing something – not understanding everything in-between the lines. Just another side effect of not having mastered social interaction. He still had a great deal to learn, even after finally making friends and forging connections with other people. He would think that Itachi had much more to make up to his own village than an allied one. Then again, this assignment came from the Hokage himself, as well as Naruto. Maybe if Itachi completed it successfully, he could elicit a bit of trust in the Leaf villagers.

After Itachi finished speaking, Gaara stayed quiet, mulling over his words. He wasn’t the type to sugarcoat anything, and wouldn’t express gratitude for something that had to be proven. He would wait and observe his behavior, see if he was truly worthy of earning his trust. Actions spoke louder than words, as he had stated so eloquently. Death wouldn’t be necessary, he hoped, with how many lives they had already lost during the war. And really, the last thing he needed, was for Sasuke to storm into the village, outraged at losing his brother again.

Noticing the obvious display of fatigue, Gaara sent his sand off into the other room. A few minutes later, it returned, bearing a tray with a teapot and teacup. The sand hovered closer to Itachi, silently offering the tea to him. The air in the desert was likely much drier than what Itachi was used to, and he also had his condition to contend with. It wasn’t an act of kindness so much as bearing the simple desire to preserve a life. Gaara no longer killed without purpose, despite having no moral qualms with the concept itself.

I caaan't.. my dad just drug me back to the world of the living x_X

[sanzengarasu]

Naruto. That name always drew him back and made him think. The younger ninja took his advice. He actually listened to him about what made a Hokage. And he spoke with all of the fiery passion of the sun. If the Uchiha Clan represented the moon, it took someone like Naruto to offset them. Sasuke needed Naruto.

"Naruto-kun is the only one who will ever move my brother in the right direction." Even if Sasuke would bleed and even die for him, Itachi would never be able to make him a better person. Not like Naruto could. That was why he was so prepared to leave his precious brother in the Uzumaki's hands.

But he wouldn't linger on that.

Not when the severity of his words suddenly seemed to slip away from him as his attention shifted to the sound of sand on the floor and then the sight of tea beside him. Dark eyes lingered on the tea and he found himself oddly moved to accept it. After some deliberation, he finally reached out and accepted the offer. Long slender fingers curled around the cup and looked almost delicate and pale against the pottery of the cup. Fingertips slipped over the cup slowly, touching the rim before settling restlessly against the sides.

Nodding his head to the younger, he looked down into the liquid almost curiously. He liked tea. In fact, next to dango, it was one of his few desires. And much like his childhood, he felt almost shy to let that be known. Slowly lifting the cup, he sipped from it softly. Dark lashes fluttered down to his cheeks and he let out a low gentle sigh. "Thank you."

Breathing in the scent of the herbs in the tea, he queried on quietly. "Is there... anything else you wish to know specifically?"